Up and down this Spanish highway, some things remain the same

Saturday June 16

We wake up (or at least get out of bed) sore and still tired. But there are many miles before we sleep.

SecretAgentBrother and SecretAgentGirlfriend are still asleep. It is barely 7:00 after all. I trudge out to the street outside the apartments to get our cars. I come back and start the reloading. There’s work to be done and it’s getting hot.

The night before I had emptied the roof carrier because we didn’t want it stolen. So, all the shit had to come down the stairs, across the parking lot and back on the roof.

After over an hour of this, I was hot and sweaty. I also had to poop.

By 9:30, Shmuppie had eaten breakfast and we were ready to go. The 2 lovebirds somehow managed to sleep through all this noise, so God bless them.

We hit the Beltway and were on our way to our new home.

The trip on the Beltway was fine. It actually lulled me into a false sense of confidence about the coming drive.

Then we hit 95.

That was fun.

For the next 35 miles, we were in one huge traffic jam. I couldn’t quite put my finger on the reason for it other than “because”. There was just traffic all the way sown to Fredericksburg, VA. That was not cool. I had visions of this lasting all the way to Richmond and was getting pissed. But, it broke up and after a while, we stopped to gas up the cars, grab Shmuppie some lunch and set up the DVD player. You have got to love those huge rest stops that they have on 95. Entire communities were built simply to serve out coffee and unsafe gay sex to truckers. Now that I think of it, I think I saw Andy there offering freebies to all the sweaty manfolk. But, this isn’t the time or place to discuss that, is it?

Gassed, fed and Dora’d, we took off. The ride was good from there. We made it to Richmond and got on to 85. 85 took us through southern VA into North Carolina. I’ll admit…as we got within 1 mile of the border, I called JewelrySlut and started crying…again. We were finally in our new state.

We followed 85 to Henderson and picked up Route 1. It would take us to our home for the next few days, Wake Forest, NC. We started seeing things we recognized from the last trip and got all excited. I exited for the hotel and JewelrySlut continued down to the kennel. There was NO WAY we were letting the cats in the room with us. Shmuppie and I unpacked…well, mostly I unpacked and she rode the luggage cart in and out of the hotel. They must have thought we were nuts. We brought in a LOT of shit. We had everything we needed to live for a few days with us. JewelrySlut arrived a little while later, I unpacked her car and then went shopping. We needed rum.

Lots of rum.

We pounded 3 cocktails each and had a nice swim in the hotel pool. Naps followed. Naps are god…except when you wake up at 6:30. Then you’re all fucked up and shit.

Seeing as we were all fucked up and shit, we went down the road to a Mexican place we’d been to last time and used the services of Sr. Tequila to help wake up.

We ate, went back to the room and all passed out. We were too tired to do anything. We knew Sunday was going to be a big day.

Apparently, Jesus didn’t want us resting on His day. No, we had to unload a fucking moving van.

Sunday June 17

I got up at 6:30, grabbed some coffee from the breakfast room and headed to the house. I wanted to see the inside and do some cleaning before the truck arrived.

Upon arrival, I realized that there was NO WAY all of our shit was fitting. This had been choice #3 for a reason. Choice #1 would have fit all of our shit quite nicely. This place is the same size, but it has a lot of wasted space. It was going to be an interesting day. I also realized that the AC was busted. Oh…this was going to be one hell of a day.

The truck was supposed to come from 8-10 again. JewelrySlut was driving down to her brother’s house to drop off Shmuppie and to bring him back to help out.

Finally, a little after 11:00, everyone arrived…a big ass moving van, JewelrySlut and Brother in law. This was the truck we should have had the other day. It was one of those big ass trucks. Out popped the 4 Pepes again. Actually, one of the Pepes had moved us on Thursday. He was surly. HeadPepe did have a grasp of the language, so we were in better shape.

Now it was nervous time. How did all the stuff look? What was broken? How many more tears?

JewelrySlut took one look at the house and was as afraid as I was. We were not going to fit.

The truck kept belching out our shit and we kept ticking items off on our little checklist. It was nice of the NJ crew to NOT label like 50 items. That would prove to be fun later on in the day when it came time to verify that we had all of our stuff.

One of the major things we noticed was that our big wall unit/entertainment center was not going in the basement family room as planned. There was no place for it to go. Looks like we’d be doing our TV watching upstairs in the living room. With that in mind, we wanted our beloved blue couch to be in the living room.


Remember me mentioning the wasted space? I forgot to mention the narrow hallways. The couch wouldn’t fit in the door. So, it was headed to the basement, where the wall unit wasn’t. That’s special.

We had more furniture that just landed where it fit. Our basement is the Land of Misfit Chairs. It’s quite sexy. It also has an odd light fixture and wicked pink carpeting.

At some point, they finished and we had a house of boxen. We decided to call it a day. I drove Brother in law home, kissed Shmuppie good night and drove back to the hotel. We showered tequila’ed and passed out.

I guess we were here. We were here, but we didn’t own the place. That wouldn’t come until Monday morning. For now, we had a sty of a house that had no AC. Things would continue to be fun.

As a postscript: I know some people want to know what I did to the NJ house before we left. Since they FINALLY closed on Tuesday night (that’s Tuesday the 26th for those of you keeping score), I no longer own the place and don’t care what happens to it.

Here’s what I did and why I chose to do this specific thing:

I went into the attic with a canister of oatmeal. I chucked fistfuls of it all over the place. Why? I’ll tell you. From time to time, we’d have mice up there. I’d hear them scurrying about. I’d put out traps, they’d not get caught. So, I figured that the mice up there would need something to eat…I also figured they’d tell all their friends about the buffet that was available at 17 Brookside and they’d have a mouse house party.

It’s fiendish if you think about it. It’s also very hard to see/notice. I was going to throw a steak up there, but that would be too obvious.

8 thoughts on “Up and down this Spanish highway, some things remain the same

  1. Good point on measuring the furniture. Let me give yo a step that comes before that: Look at house before buying. That helps a little bit, don't it?

    I haven't cried in a while. It was an emotional time and I tend to be a cryer. You should have seen me when the kid was born. I was amess. For now, just shitting. I do way too much of it.

  2. Which did you do the most of, shitting or crying? WHY couldn't the kats be in your motel room? Are you *sure* Shmuppie only had THREE cocktails? Lesson learned: measure furniture and then measure space where I want to place furniture. BEFORE moving.

  3. I love the oatmeal in the attic trip. When my brother and all 12 of his friends moved out of their college house, they removed a wall, placed a pina colada, cup and all, inside it, and put the wall right back on. (It was an old house with wood paneling.) I'll bet that smells lovely three years later. Oh, and whenever we drive past our old landlord's house, we throw a handful of screws into her driveway. We are such nice people.

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