Here is a hammer and lots of tacks

As usual, I’m losing my faith in people.

But, before I get into it:
The pan can be bought from Adam and Eve. JewelrySlut actually has 2 pans, but my mother has the larger one and won’t give it back. Make all the “your mother” jokes you’d like. I expect you to be as crass as possible.

So, as for people sucking and wondering why I get out of bed:

I’m home (YAY) and working away. We’re also gathering up the decorations for the holidays. I’m kinda melting down as I realize that we’re about to import several additional cubic feet of stuff into the house. The basement is crowded as it is and there ain’t a whole lot of room for the orchestra hall that Shmuppie wants for Christmas. The problem is the enormous wood burning stove in the family room. If we could get rid of it, we’d open up about 30 square feet in the room and give Shmuppie another play area. We’d get rid of the stove and knock down the brick hearth. We could also use the space for the tree.

JewelrySlut and I decide that the stove has got to go. So, I went to Craiglist and looked for people in Raleigh looking for wood stoves. I found 3 and sent 3 emails saying that if they could come over, they could have the thing.
(Problem 1 hit me here. What if all 3 people wanted it?)
So, I head to the Y.
JewelrySlut gets a call from someone who wants the stove and said he’d call beck at 4:00. OK. I get an email from Dave who wants the stove. Now, we have 2 people who want it.

I email Dave and say “Were you the guy who called? Someone else already called and I don’t want to promise it to 2 people”. He calls me, and as it turns out, his mother-in-law lives in the Kingdom. I tell him that I’m expecting another call, but will try to make up an excuse why the 1st guy can’t have it. All sounds good.

At 4:00, the phone rings and it’s Guy #1. Only thing is that he’s in the parking lot and can’t see what house number is ours. Oops. So, this guy and I wrestle the enormously heavy stove to off the bricks, out to the patio, on to the hand truck, up the hill and to his truck. I already feel bad for Dave.

So, I call Dave and apologize. I tell him that the other guy just showed up and that couldn’t really tell him no…seeing as he was at my house. Dave slams the phone down.

I didn’t feel bad because I told him upfront that I had another potential “buyer”. Well, on Saturday morning I checked my home email and had a message from Dave in which he cursed me out. That’s great. To his credit, he did go home, obviously realize what an ass he’d been, and re-emailed me to apologize but still say that I basically sucked.

Was I wrong? I was upfront with him. Was I wrong to email 3 people and offer them all the chance to get the stove? It’s like posting a want ad…whoever calls first gets it. Well, to my credit, I didn’t call Dave and scream at him and I have no plans to terrorize his mother-in-law because I have the power to do so. I’m turning over a leaf. Or something.

Then, my mother came for the weekend.


JewelrySlut and I had a lovely dinner on Saturday night at an Irish place. But, it was smoky and JewelrySlut got a migraine and ended up puking on the bathroom floor later that night. She told me she was too embarrassed to ask for my help. I reminded her of some of the things I’ve seen her do (and have done to her) and she said that puking on the floor was not sexual (or is it?) and hence embarrassing.

I don’t know.

Got my shopping for JewelrySlut done on Sunday morning. Her new laptop is almost all installed and set up. She’s happy. I’m shocked that the process went so well.

Then, we have this morning. I should have stayed in bed.

Got to RDU and security was slow again. Now, they queue you up downstairs and then take you up an escalator to the 2nd floor where you queue again and then get checked. Whenever it’s busy, they send people up the escalator in groups of 20 or so to avoid a backup at the top.

Not today.

I’m about 3/4 of the way up and I notice that the group at the top is stuck; they’ve sent too many people up. I got to the top and had to hop to the right to avoid getting killed. Several of us were trying to motion people over to the right and out of the way of the crush of people coming up the escalator. You should have seen the fear in their eyes. Because, if you’ve ever been in that situation, it can be scary; you can’t stop the escalator and there’s nowhere to go at the top. Finally, I had to scream at some jackass on a cell phone who just would not move out of the way. He was up the escalator and that was fine by him. He could not understand why he needed to move. I yelled at him “Move before you get someone killed”. This was good times at 6:05 AM.

10 minutes later, I’m on line to be screened. On the line to my left are 2 Hispanic migrant-looking types. One opens up a ratty duffel bag and pulls out a nail gun…and nails…and a huge hammer. I cock my eyebrows because I can’t wait to watch this one. Then, his friend pulls a circular saw out of his backpack. Fortunately, my line has ground to a halt because I can’t wait to watch this. A TSA agent is watching the spectacle and can’t even speak. She has no idea how to respond; I mean a nail gun, nails, hammer and saw! She finally tells them, in English, that they can’t bring that on board. They respond by taking off their belts and shoes. So, she tells them in a louder voice that they can’t bring the items. At this point, my line moved, but I can only imagine how well this all played out.

On to the plane we go. I’m in 12E. On a 737-800, the rows go 9, 12, 14. Why? Beats me. 12E is a middle and there’s no seat to the right (no window seat). Hence, 14F is the best seat on the plane. But, I have nobody to my right so I am happy. Then, an off-duty flight attendant comes down the row with 2 huge rolling bags. She then, while boarding is going on, proceeds to take it upon herself to re-pack the overhead bins to suit her fancy. Eventually, she’s all done…except for 1 item, my laptop bag. She’s swinging it around like a lunatic. I had to yell over the din of her coughing and yelling to her to ask her exactly what she planned to do with my bag and if maybe she could hand it over. She had 14F. I put the bag in front of the window seat to my right. The woman got on the plane, put a blanket over her head and then coughed for an hour and a half. I was thrilled.

Now, the work day is almost over. I would like to go home.

I leave on Thursday afternoon on a 2:45 flight and then am home for at least 2 weeks. I could use the rest.

5 thoughts on “Here is a hammer and lots of tacks

  1. I would post a listing on Craigslist and tell dave what a 3 piston, turbo charged asshammer he is. And then remind everyone that free means first come first serve!

    Fucking dirty rednecks.

  2. Email Dave back and tell him he's a douche. You were giving him a FREE Stove and trying to be a nice guy. sorry it didn't work out, but there's no reason to be a dick head about it.

    Fuck you Dave.

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