Scratch my back with a lightning bolt

That title up there’s not quite right, but he don’t sing this kind of song.

Folks, there’s no easy way to say this.

Since I look at some of you as family, others as friends and most with a watchful eye, it’s hard for me to type these words.

But they need to be typed.
.
.
.
.
I think I have poison ivy on my cock.

Sorry. Did you puke?

Here’s the story. Remember my eye from yesterday’s entry? Go look…

Well, I also have some sort of rash on my left ring finger…right where the band sits. I’m currently ring-less because the shit is seeping out the underside of the ring. I guess whatever got in my eye got on my hands. And, when I pulled the Raleigh White Snake out to pee, or whack off, or expose myself to the neighbors, I got a little allergen on it.

BAM!

Red, itchy weenie.

Now, you’re thinking “NoGoodDaddy, that’s what you get for messing around with hookers”. To that I say “Don’t talk about JewelrySlut like that. She’s a high priced call girl, thank you”

Jeesh.

Anyway…my dick itches a lot.

Anyone wanna come (hehhehheh…come) over and help scratch it for me?

Well, enjoy the visual and certainly enjoy scraping puke off your computer.

16 thoughts on “Scratch my back with a lightning bolt

  1. Yup…dumbass is one of many words you can use. Having just showered, and getting an inspectino from the Mrs, it's not poisin ivy. If anything, imagine the pic of my eye…but with my dick looking that way. Red, puffy, itchy… We're all blind now, aren't we?

  2. Since I know I am one of the people you think of as family (don't lie), I'm just going to tell you the same thing I'd tell my own brother: WAY TO GO, DUMB ASS. Gosh, I can feel the love all the way over here. Just like realy family!

  3. I shared your calamity with Hubby and all I got for my trouble was a litany of "That's not good" and "That's not funny!" This must be the first time you DIDN'T want a swollen, throbbing member, eh?

  4. Tell Hubby it's OK to laugh. This is definitely in the category of "It's funny because it's not me." For more TMI, I made sure to apply a hefty dose of hydrocortisone cream to my weewee before going to bed. So, now my dick is on steroids too.

  5. *Me sharing the above comment with Hubby*
    "No, it isn't funny because it happened to me."
    "Yeah, but you didn't get it on your wee-wee".
    "No, I'm not that stupid. Tell him that him getting it on his wee-wee automatically deducts 2 points from his IQ".

    We just like saying the word 'wee-wee'.

  6. Great, Extreme itchy cock. Just make sure Jewerly Slut uses the happy machine instead of riding you like a show pony…I would hate for the mailman to get poison ivy too.

  7. I came here just to give you a word of thanks, and instead get graphic visuals that I didn't need … my mind-pictures are made all the more vivid by a recent reading of Husband's textbook "Dermatological conditions" … so ew.

    In more appropriate news, I hope you and your little friend recover.

  8. I'm thinking this "condition" may have a little more to do with the sexual fetish you have for deer and how you like to jack off watching Bambi lick his own genitals.

    Sicko.

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