Honey Do, honey come and do me again

I’m going to have sex with EBay. Who wants to watch?

2 weeks ago, while reading the paper, JewelrySlut remarked that Michael Buble was coming to town this week. Since she loves her some Buble, I hopped on TicketMaster. Sorry…sold out. I hopped on Stubhub…sorry WAAAY too expensive. I hopped on EBay. Hmmm…pairs for $120 or so. The tickets had a face of just under $60, so even with the shipping; it’s still only a little higher than the actual TickerMaster price. I proceeded to lose 4 auctions.

Then, last Friday while up at the NJ office, I thought of it again and hopped on EBay. I saw an auction that was ending in 5 minutes. It had no bids. The seller had a perfect rating. It was 2 tickets in the Orchestra section (the show’s at a theater here in Raleigh) for a total, with shipping, of $65. With mucho skepticism, I put in a bid. 4 minutes later, I won. If this is real, I just got 2 $69.50 tickets for $65. The seller tells me there are 2 tickets and that they’re real. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow AM when they arrive. I’m slightly nervous, but what can you do? If they’re real, then I shall wine, dine and 69 my new mistress, EBay.

I bought concert tickets off EBay once before. I did very well. Got 2 tickets to see BNL for less than face. We had floor seats about 20 rows from the stage. It was quite awesome.

The Buble show should be fun. We like his silky smooth crooning. I imagine it will turn out to be a great show. I have no idea who’s going to be in the crowd? A bunch of old folks? Hipsters? Hell, we don’t even know what to wear. The show’s at the same place where the NC Orchestra plays. It’s a concert hall. I guess we’ll dress up semi-nicely. Wish us luck.

I got home Friday night after a 2 1/2 hour delay at EWR. Boy, I love EWR. I got there about 90 minutes before the original departure and the mess began. When I tried to pull into Hertz, the woman in front of me pulled half way in and stopped. I was left hanging out in the middle of a very busy road. I leaned on the horn for a good 15 seconds before she moved.

Then, I took toe monorail to Terminal C. Of course, the escalator to the terminal level was broken. So, I trudged down 3 flights of stairs with both my bags.

Then, it’s down an escalator to check-in. I always check my bag because I can’t deal with the overhead bins. I like to sit near the front of the plane, so there’s no sense in looking for the bins; they’re never available. So, I head to the left like I always have. You go to the kiosk and they hand you a baggage tag. YOU then have to go to the X-ray machine and hand the bag off. (Nice how that works). Instead, there’s a lady telling people with pre-printed boarding passes to go to the other end of the terminal to the Continental.com check-in point. So, 5 minutes later, I’m there. There is a row of kiosks. They seem to be servicing International Transfers, Continental.com bag drops and Group travel. But, there’s no real entrance to the line. Just a lot of confusion. I get on what I think is the line. Then I notice a lot of maroon passports. Whoops…on the international line. I also notice a hoard of teenagers…that’s the group line. The middle group must be .com drops. I key in my info and wait…and wait… A woman is letting the machine spit out tag after tag, not making an effort to help anyone. I’m waiting and fuming. At this point, I think my flight is delayed (JewelrySlut told me on the phone), but the boards in the airport say on time. And, it’s getting late. Finally, she takes my bag…and promptly tags it to go to Jacksonville. Having straightened that out, I go to security.

Or, as I call it, Fucking LooneyVille. I’m all for security, don’t get me wrong. You’ll never hear me say “I don’t understand why they had to check ME. Do I look like a terrorist?” No, it’s important to do…assuming you do it correctly. At EWR they do not do it correctly. You get on a line before the line starts. There, an Indian (with a dot, not a feather) checks something (not a passport, I can vouch). You queue up and at the end of the line; you’re supposed to lose your boarding pass and ID. Or, at least, that’s how it seems because woman after woman can be seen dumping their purses on the floor to find their boarding pass. This is fun because you get to glare at the husbands with the look of “Why don’t you drag your stupid wife out back and kill her with a shovel? That way, you have all the tools in one place for the quick burial”. When you get to the end and find your boarding pass, another Indian doesn’t look at it. She yells at you to go to the X-ray line that’s the longest. Usually, lines 1-5 are empty because we’re all stacked at row 6.

Having reached another line, you then take off your shoes, belt, watch, and anything else metallic. You put shoes and jackets in one little bin. Laptops go in another. Bags go all alone. Then, you walk through the machine. It beeps. You try again. It beeps. You try another time and it’s OK. Now, your shit is all stacked at the end of the line because some old asshole is putting on his shoes right there alongside the conveyer belt. So, you grab all your shit (careful…don’t drop the laptop) and go sit down to get dressed. Only, you can’t because there are no chairs at EWR in the security area. Some people sit down in the middle of the concourse to get dressed. It’s nice.

Through security, I head for the gate. The boards still say on time. I doubt that’s true, but you never know. I’m at gate 87. End of the terminal…downstairs. This is a bad gate. A few years back, an angry passenger pile-drove a gate agent there and, I believe, paralyzed the guy. The passenger’s kid was trying to run down the Jetway and the agent put out an arm to stop him. Rather than thank the agent, the passenger nearly killed him. This is where I get to spend my afternoon.

I sit down and take in the scene. My 3:25 flight is full. There’s also a 3:30 flight going out of 88 for Bogota, Columbia. That’s always a site. The gate agents are in a frenzy because, not only are we running late, people for the 5:40 to Raleigh are shoeing up. As are people for a flight to Seattle that’s been assigned to 87. Not to mention the people destined for Toronto who have also been sent to 87. It’s a mess. At 4:00, 3 sleazy duded walk up and demand to get on the Bogota flight. (The one that left at 3:30). The agent points to the empty gate and tells them that the plane is gone. They want her to bring it back to the gate. Right…Then, a guy shows up and lines up in the Elite Access line. The agent tells him that we’re not even boarding for at least 30 minutes. He says nothing; just waits there.

When it comes time to board, knowing full well, they board by row, the whole plane attempts to get on at once. The agents are yelling at people, and people are yelling at each other. Since I only have my laptop bag, I just sat and watched. I was the 2nd to last person to board. I usually try to be last. There’s no sense, if you ask me, in rushing to sit on a plane. The flight was OK, as long as I didn’t mind the guy on my left hogging the armrest or the guy on my right sleeping on me, or the guy in front of my reclining his seat back.

Good times.

Then, someone tried to walk off with my bag. I have a red rolling suitcase. It has a bright yellow handle on it that says “my bag”. It’s easy to spot. Well, as is the case here in Raleigh, some asshole picked up my bag before it got to me. He started poring over it, and was about to open it. I mean, if he wanted my dirty undies, he was welcome to them. Finally, he let go of it. I’ve seen people pick up red bags, look them over, and then take a black bag and leave. What? You don’t know what color your bag is? Ugh.

Otherwise, a nice weekend. I hung 3 ceiling fans on Saturday and put in a new sink and vanity in the downstairs bathroom yesterday. We need to put down new flooring in the downstairs bath, but it should be easy.

I’m hope this week before I go to PA next week. Of course, the Phillies-Nationals game may be the only reason to go. Without a signed contract between the companies, it’s going to be hard to go into live production. RedHead fails to see how this could be a problem. And, she’s my Director.

Life is not always fair.

Hey…I’m trying to get someone (JewelrySlut) to do a guest entry. The saga of White Trash Winnie just went to 11. The story will either make you puke, scream, shit or just stare blankly at your computer and wonder why it is that people act like they do. It’s a doozy.

9 thoughts on “Honey Do, honey come and do me again

  1. I compare Buble to Harry Connick, Jr in my mind, and the HCJ concert I went to had all kinds in the audience – complete with the teenage bimbos bouncing up and down in the front row. I'm assuming you're going to Meymandi (or however you spell it), so I'd dress nice (but not nice enough for the prom or something *L*). Have fun!

  2. "Meymandi"??? It's at the Progress Energy Center downtown on Fayetville…right where all the construction is taking place. We'll be liquoring up beforehand for maximum fun!

  3. Do you ever watch that show on A&E on airlines? Or Airport, or whatever it's called. Next time you travel you should take some video if you can do so without getting killed. Can't wait to hear JS's white trash story!

  4. Yeah, sorry. I forgot you're not a local *L*. That complex right there has 3 performance spaces. Memorial Auditorium is the largest. Meymandi is the concert hall. Anyway, wish I could join you for that beer, but I've got school stuff going on (that's the bad thing about a year-round school – even when you're tracked out school keeps going so there's stuff that has to be done). Have fun, though!

  5. I like Buble. But JewelrySlut likes him more…and I owed her a birfday present…and it's an excuse to get dressed up and go out. You're the one who takes it up the Gowanus, not me

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