With a tin cup for a chalice

Below is an email I just sent to MerlotMan. His Aunt is going in for brain surgery on Monday. As a result, they’re both coming tomorrow. He’s concerned that we have enough to drink.

Allow me to introduce to one of our proudest possessions. Our wine rack. It’s NEVER this filled. Usually, it’s more like empty.

Here’s the email:

We have 7 bottles of bubbly along the top
3 flavored wines underneath
Then, 2 big pinots, a chardonnay, 2 Rieslings, 1 Pies porter and an old Guvurstameiner (or however the hell you spell it)
Then a shelf of prime reds. I have a 2002 Rancho Zabaco Reserve Zinfandel for the 2 of us. I’m also opening one of my good NJ wines. The rest of that shelf is off limits. I could sell it and buy a car.
Then, 1 Beaujolais, a big Shiraz, a big cab/merlot blend and a big Italian Red

The rest is liquor
On the floor to the left is Big Blue

We still have to buy another of the Big Italian Reds and 2 Big Italian Whites.

That’s 16 bottles earmarked for consumption by Friday night. And, of those 16, 8 are 1.5L bottles and one is Big Blue (3L). Bringing us to 20 liters or roughly 5 gallons of wine.

That going to be enough for us?

And yes, you do see 11 bottles of rum there. 2 tequilas, 2 gins, 3 scotches, 2 cognacs and some others. Then there are the little bottles in the other cabinet.

Wow…we have a problem.

So, it should be good times.

I want to clarify something from yesterday. Quasi makes us cry because he’s a retard. He’s not mean…just a retard. We know they’re both adopted, so he and JewelrySlut are an example of how nature beats nurture. I often question who raised him because he has the social skills of a retarded sea cucumber.

An example: last weekend they were here to drop off a mini fridge that we needed to hold all the food for Thursday. So, he walks to the wine rack (seen above, but imagine with a lot less stuff on it”

Quasi: (Peering at the rum bottles) “So you got some more”
Me: No…same old stuff
Quasi: Oh…(scratched head…cocks head and eats whatever he just dug up) (Picks up a bottle off of the good shelf) Hmm…what’s this?
Me: (Mouth agape at the horror of it all)
Quasi: Hmmm…wine. Interesting.
Me: (See above)

It’s shit like that.

It will fucking kill you to death.

Should I throw you all a recipe here?

It’s a good one.

Anyone want to know how to make cranberry sauce?

Do you?

Ok…let me go get the recipe card…

Hold on…

Whoa…I’m back

2 Big pots
Cookie sheets
Food Mill
Some sort of mold
A car

1lb cranberries. Since they’re sold in 12oz bags, we make 3 lbs worth. Triple all ingredients)
2 cups water
2 cups sugar

Sort cranberries on cookie sheets, weeding out the funky ones. Use cookie sheets because JewelrySlut says so. Rinse the remaining ones. Put them and the water in a pot and cook the berries until the skins pop. Strain them using the mill into pot #2. Pour in the sugar and boil the whole mess for 20 minutes. Along the way, skim off the choad that forms. Pour into molds. Cool overnight (preferably on the roof of a car (See note about the cookie sheets to know why)).

Happy Cooking

10 thoughts on “With a tin cup for a chalice

  1. You can't just post a new entry without responding to my comment in the last entry! Can you? What's that? oh, you just did.

  2. Ass Monkey, I love you because you say things like "fucking kill you to death". AWESOME.

    Also, I got your cd the other day, and I love it – though, I could have done without all the goddamned Air Supply, you queer. ;)

  3. Hey I understand idoit Brother in laws, Mine is the king of dicks, and the realtionsip between brothers and sisters can be nuts. I live it all the time. but you don't make my wife cry. It's a house rule. Anyhow… I hope you guys have a nice holiday.

    You need one of those racks with a lockable gate on it for the good stuff. (Are you listening O' Jewely slut? Your man needs a proffesional wine rack and mine fridge/wine coooler for Christmas. He deserves it. Go buy it. Buy it now, damnit.

  4. It's mostly her music, not mine.

    No vodka you say? Please go back to the 2nd shelf from the bottom, 3rd bottle from the left. That's a plastic tankard of vodka, thank you. Vodka tastes best when it comes bottled in plastic.

  5. DK: If you can get to RDU by tomorrow afternoon, you can stay here in the newly renovated and dry basement. And don't think I'm kidding. There's planty to eat, and as you can see, plenty to drink. Plus, ChurchBomber is from the UK too.

    Father in law's OK. He's just all on his own and stuff in a new house and seems a little worn down. If he would take one, he could use a vacation. As for the mad shitter, I'll just kill her.

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