I haven’t written in a while. Not because there’s been nothing going on, but more because I haven’t been home.
But, I’m home for a while now.
From the mouth of our pal, Shmuppie:
This was from this past Sunday. The night before, Shmuppie had gone to my parents’ house to stay over. JewelrySlut and I had needed a night out on the town. Instead, we went to a sushi joint in Wake Forest that was slightly disappointing. I digress:
Shmuppie: Last night when Grammy woke up in the morning. Yesterday and I was still asleep
Me and JewelrySlut: (reach for wine glasses)
After dinner, it was bath time. As usual, we debated who would be bathing the child. She didn’t want me to do so. Wanna know why?
Shmuppie: Daddy shakes my head too shaky and it bangs my teeth.
At some point, we were yelling at the kid about “pushing”. Andria now knows about pushing. Do you all know about pushing?
I’ll just paste in the email I send Andria. We were discussing pushing because she was recently on the Right Coast and threatened to come and visit next time. Hell, she may just come.
On Nov 10, 2007 9:53 AM, NoGoodDaddy
Come on down. You and the kid can sit together, watch Dora and push.
You do a lot of pushing I imagine
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2007 11:24:04 AM
Subject: Re: so?
I am going to assume that is some sort of reference to the fact that your kid has figured out the best way to fuck with you is to keep shitting herself instead of doing it on the big girl potty. She is a genius.
On Nov 12, 2007 6:57 AM, NoGoodDaddy > wrote:
pushing = masturbating
Sent: Monday, November 12, 2007 10:40:59 PM
Subject: Re: so?
You goddamned sicko. How does pushing = masturbating?
NoGoodDaddy > wrote:
Ok…say you’re 5 (and a girl)
(I can’t believe we’re about to have this conversation)
You lie on your stomach…put your hands between your legs and…well…push.
As the kid says “Pushing makes my ha ha feel good”
I went through all that because at some point this past weekend, Shmuppie announced “I push because that’s my job to do that”
Shmuppie (Said to JewelrySlut): Well, you have freckles, so that makes you a polka-dot leper.
I got nothing.
Since we’re all over the map, here are some pictures. Shmuppie got these gummy teeth things for Halloween.
Well, look at the other side. Needs pushing if you ask me.
I should go now, CrazyAnne’s at the door, painters are unloading paint in our parking lot and the crazy slobs next door want me to help them lower a table off their deck.
And, I have to prep for a board meeting tonight where one of my neighbors will accuse me of being racist. I can’t wait.