Holiday Recap

We’re still here. Let’s recap:

NoGoodMother called. SecretAgentBrother, SIL and her kid were in town and she wanted to know if we wanted to come over for dinner. Let me think…we’d be seeing you all on Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. Did we want to see you on Friday?


We stayed home and prepared cookie dough for Saturday’s baking.

I have no idea what we did all day. I think we did some last minute shopping. I seem to remember a trip to the wine store. At some point, we made cookies. Then, we washed up and loaded up the car to go to M&K’s house. We actually had a nice time. They’d done a great job decorating the new house and put out a good spread. The family behaved (mostly because I said and drank very little). But, it was loud and we spent the evening watching YouTube videos of Iraqi insurgents getting blasted by helicopters. We had to get home at a decent hour to get Shmuppie to bed.

We had shopping to do. Since we had to go up the road for both the 24th and 25th, and we knew the food would likely suck, we decided to do our own special dinner on Sunday. Of course, this meant that we had to venture out into what I am now calling the Gastronomic Black Hole.

We needed spinach for the 25th because, suddenly, we had been placed in charge of all the side dishes for dinner (more on this later). To the Farmer’s Market we went. That went well. Then, we needed regular groceries. We also needed food for dinner; shrimp, scallops, mussels. Well, Kroger had some pallid looking shrimp and some oozy scallops. Not a mussel to be seen. Not surprised, we decided to run to Harris Teeter on the way home. They had shrimp and scallops, but no mussels. I asked if they had any in the back, and the guy offered me clams. Um…Mr. Fishmonger….a clam is NOT THE SAME THING AS A MUSSEL!

By now, I was depressed. I was also pissed off and prepared to drive to Maine (or wherever the fuck mussels come from) to get them.

We went to Fresh Market and waded back to the fish counter. There, I saw a measly bag of mussels. It had maybe a pound in it. I asked the man in a whimpering tone if he had any more. He did, and I bought them. I also picked up the shrimp and scallops. Suddenly, life was good.

We spent the afternoon watching me cruise to victory in one fantasy league and drop a heartbreaker in the finals of another. All in all, I went 23-4 in the regular season of 2 leagues. Not bad.

As the afternoon wore on, I paraded out a variety of snackables and wine. We had a good time just lazing around.

Dinner (recipe in the recipes section) was lovely. JewelrySlut and I ate too much and were happy. We drank wine and probably had sex. I really only barely remember.

Fuckall…I had to work. I was taking one for the team and was one of 2 people working. I gave up at about 1:00. We had to get ready to go up the road.

Beforehand, we’d laid down the law about Christmas Eve. We would not be there all night. Shmuppie had to get home so we could prepare for Santa. This made my father mad. We’d also learned that my mother was not cooking. SecretAgentBrother would be cooking. He had mentioned on Saturday that he’d bought an octopus.

Well, we got there and SecretAgentBrother was trying to cook up a storm. The kitchen at my parents’ house is huge but is horrible. There’s a lot of room, but none of it is useful. SecretAgentBrother and SIL were trying to cook and making a mess out of things. JewelrySlut and I tried to eat some snacks. We knew that we needed to fill up early. Shmuppie immediately went up to the 3rd floor where her cousin (Step cousin?) was playing Halo on his X-Box. Shmuppie spent the evening trying to play Halo. I think she ran into walls a lot and got eaten by bugs.

Dinner came. He’d made the octopus (surprisingly good, but a little oily), eggplant parm, fried calamari (too salty), clams in sauce and spaghetti. I nibbled at a little of all of it. It wasn’t very good. I felt bad because SecretAgentBrother really tried hard. He had bad tools and a bad kitchen. My father gave us shit all night and then we finally went home.

We put the kid to bed (needing a taser to get her to sit still and get her pajamas on) and got the gifts out. We had some champagne and sat in the dark next to our tree. It was peaceful and nice.

Because she’d been up late, Shmuppie slept until 8:00. AWESOME!
I crept downstairs and plugged in the giant inflatable snowglobe that Santa had left on the deck. Shmuppie came downstairs, saw it, and freaked out.

We came down here to the basement and more freaking out ensued. She was far happier than last year. The kid might be a retard, but she’s also smart. She decided that, this year, Santa would decide what she would get. She got a fish tank, some board games, a drawing pad for her V-Smile video game system, a Magic Kingdom play set and other shit.

I did well. I got some books, a new box grater, new underpants, a Jimmy CD/DVD, a new fancy weather station, and other goodies. It was good. Js got her greenhouse, some fancy drawers and stuff from Victoria’s Secret, a bunch of DVD’s and CD’s, and an assortment of teas. All was well.

Then, the fun ended. We needed to start cooking. It had been decided at the end of the evening before that we would be taking the prime rib home to season and pre-cook. We had ZERO confidence in my mother’s ability to cook it properly. We realized this when I asked her how she planned to season it and she had no answer. So, I made a horseradish crust for it and it kicked ass. I also made a potato gratin that was artery-clogging and delicious. We brought the spinach with us and JewelrySlut and I did dueling saut‚ pans to make it.

My mother micro-waved sweet potatoes.

Dinner, minus the sweet potatoes, was very good.

We also opened gifts.

I got a book. It’s something like “10,000 Answers to Odd Questions”. That’s what my parents got me for Christmas. That’s it.

JewelrySlut got some clothes and Shmuppie got her new bed (yet to be delivered).

I got a book I’ll never open.

I proceeded to get wasted. It was so bad that I gave JewelrySlut the keys to drive home. We got home and put the kid to bed. We sat up for a while and then had raucous sex.

I was hung-over.

Happy Holidays, folks!

2 thoughts on “Holiday Recap

  1. Jesus you’re a picky little bitch, aren’t you? For the record I hate clams and I’ve never had mussels but I’m pretty sure I hate them too. Not as much as you hate me, I’m sure but close. I tried to convince Hubby that we needed that bug zapper for Christmas; he just looked at me funny and slowly backed away. I got stuff for my camera. SWEET! Merry Christmas Ass Monkey!

  2. Sorry I haven’t been around. I thought about you guys but didn’t have time to fight my way to the computer to tell you. I love mussels and don’t think I’ve ever had clams. I got a compost tumbler, a coffee machine and a gothpunkish fairy statuette. Life is good.

    Hope your new year is awesome.

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