Deeper baby. Take it all

Every now and again, it sounds like I work in the adult film industry.

We’re attempting to redesign an envelope. If you have an envelope handy, take a look at the back of it. Some have seams on a diagonal; others have them running up the sides.

When you use a side seam envelope, it can sometimes be hard to put more than only 1 or 2 sheets in it. A lot of our packages are upwards of 6-7 sheets. So…we have to pay special attention on the design.

What we do is make the envelope with a deeper throat. This allows you to fill it more.

So, over the past 2 days, I’ve been sending emails and having phone calls in which I keep asking for a deeper throat because I need to fill it up more.

Who said printing isn’t sexy?

So…I need to recap.

I need to explain why I recently told Shmuppie that she was more effective than a condom.

I’m swell like that, aren’t I?

Our recent trip to Myrtle Beach was an epic disaster. The weather sucked, I got sick and Shmuppie wasn’t behaving. It, in a nutshell, was our version of National Lampoon’s.

I had decided that we should leave at 10:00. Why I put us on a schedule is beyond me. It was yet another example of me trying to manage the process and subsequently losing my mind.

We woke up a little late and I immediately panicked. I was also somewhat hung-over after starting my vacation the night before with my friend Mr. Rum. So, crapping a river of evil, I started losing my mind.

For some reason, we hadn’t packed before Friday morning, so that had to be done. I also wanted us to fit in only one bag, so as soon as we didn’t, I continued panicking. We were running late and I couldn’t pack the car as early as I wanted because we weren’t ready. I totally lost it. At one point, I had to sit on the stairs and rest because I was nearly in tears. I’m serious, folks, lately, I’ve been in bad shape. I’m losing my mind from the stress of work and because I am constantly stressing myself out over things that don’t need stressing.

Js was ready to kill herself or have me committed. Shmuppie was somehow not behaving.

We finally left and had a nice visit at South of the Border. Always a good time for us.

I should also mention that the weather was supposed to suck. Earlier in the week, it looked like it would be nice, but it turned ugly. We were looking at 4 days of rain and wind and temperatures in the high 30′s. Let’s go to the beach!

We got down in to the area and wanted to do some outlet shopping. Shmuppie was saying she was hungry and thirsty but wouldn’t eat anything. Her eating habits lately have been horrid. So, I was pissed at her for being a jackass. We shopped a bit, but Shmuppie wanted no part of it and did everything she could to make me crazy.

We got into town and went to the new hotel. For some reason, upon arrival, Shmuppie started crying. I was well into the red and JewelrySlut was looking for a drink.

We unpacked and went for a swim. That went mostly OK. We went out to dinner and that was mostly OK. I don’t think Shmuppie ate anything. However, my dinner did not agree with me. Within an hour or so, I had crippling heartburn. The rest of the evening was not fun. I think we watched a movie, but I was in considerable pain so I didn’t care. I couldn’t even drink!

Saturday dawned with temperatures of about 34 and pouring rain. Just what the doctor ordered for a cranky toddler and a stressed out set of parents! We fought with Shmuppie to eat breakfast. I, bring an idiot, drank too much coffee and woke up the heartburn gods. We went for a swim, but it was cold (indoor pools, but it was still cold).

After our swim, we knew we needed to head out…but where?

We wanted to hit another outlet center to see if we could find a bedding set for Shmuppie. It just went horribly. The rain was relentless, Shmuppie wanted nothing to do with the stores, I was sick and JewelrySlut was just beyond the capacity for rational thought. At several points, Shmuppie cried. After shopping, we wanted to go back to the hotel to get something to eat. I don’t remember whether or not we did. I know, at some point, we drove over to Broadway at the Beach to go to the aquarium. Of course, upon arrival, and not a few minutes prior, Shmuppie announced that she needed to eat. She, like most kids, is known for her timing. However, I also think I was trying to do too much and trying to fit some self-imposed schedule.

Well, Shmuppie ended up crying. We trudged through the rain and found an ice cream place that was selling hotdogs. Shmuppie had a hot dog and strawberry ice cream. I had Tums.

We went to the aquarium and Shmuppie had a good time. However, it was packed. The weather was driving everyone indoors for the day. The redneck factor was off the charts. But, Shmuppie seems to really like aquatic things and had a ball.

We went from there to dinner at Cheeseburger in Paradise. (Can’t give Jimmy enough of our money, can we?)

Dinner made me ill and Shmuppie refused to eat.

We went back to the hotel and I was just in bad shape. I got email that a former coworker had died after she fell down her stairs so I was seriously depressed. It was not good times.

OOH! I forgot! All day, my parents were trying to fly to LAX for a cruise that was leaving on Sunday. The weather in Atlanta (connection point) was horrible. As a result, my father was calling every 3 minutes to update us. It was fun. More fun than anything was that they didn’t land in LAX until about 1:30AM.

I think we all went to bed early.

The weather broke. It was cold but not raining. I didn’t feel quite as sick. We fought over breakfast and went swimming. Shmuppie was ready to go play outside. We decided to go outside and walk on the beach. I don’t remember why, but Shmuppie was not behaving and was more or less refusing to walk. We walked to the other hotel we’d stayed at and got JewelrySlut a hot chocolate at Starbucks. I bought Shmuppie a cookie that she refused to eat. I drank Pepto.

We walked back and sat on the beach and let Shmuppie play in the sand. It was cold.

I think after that, Shmuppie took a nap and I tried to watch some football. JewelrySlut read and drank wine.

We went out to dinner and I felt well enough to eat. That was nice.

We left on Monday and I don’t seem to recall anything bad happening, but I’m sure it did.

In a nutshell, the trip was terrible. And, it makes me feel bad because we never seem to vacation as a family. But, the way we all seem to not be getting along lately, it may be for the best.

So, what did I do last night? I started researching discounted cruises for the week Shmuppie has off for Spring Break. I think I found 2 possibilities.

Why do I torture myself…and for that matter, JewelrySlut.

She deserves better.

4 thoughts on “Deeper baby. Take it all

  1. I dreamt last night that you + family came here for a vacation. You said to me that it was less stressful coming to a different country than to go somewhere local to you. Don’t know if that means anything.

    ((Hugs)) … what a lame attempt that is at me trying to make you feel better. But I mean it.

  2. Different country…nah…we’d have to deal with weather patterns and wind. Not to mention the exchange rate and the desire to fit as much fun as possible into the trip. But…we’re coming some day!

    Andria: No souvenir. I looked at SoB, but nothing screamed “Andria” at me like the Jesus mug did last time. I did see this postcard that was deeply religious in nature that I wanted to mail you, but even I felt awkward about it

  3. I, bring an idiot, drank too much coffee and woke up the heartburn gods. Dude, with a sentence like that I think you meant to say you drank too much RUM. And thanks, I just LOVE my souvenir. Ass Monkey. I need to look around town and find you something truly horrid that you’d love. BTW, we’ll be at the circus next Friday; field trip. You’ll be there, right? CLOWNS!!!!

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