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We went to FLA a few weeks ago to see JewelrySlut’s father. He’s doing progressively worse. I’d love to write about what his saint of a wife is going through and how it’s impacting us and the greater family dynamic, but you don’t come here for feelings and shit, do you? No. You come here [...]

Among the many things David Sedaris said last weekend at his little read and greet in Raleigh was that if you want to write, you need to write…every day. Fuck me. The world’s worst blogger is now going to make another half-assed attempt at keeping this thing up to date. I need to get over [...]

It’s strawberry season at the Farmer’s Market. they’re tasty but pricey. We usually just graze on the samples. When my parents visited us in 2007, we bought a flat of them. My father then ate most of the flat and was so very sick. Naturally, we laughed at him Recently, we were feeding Chicken her [...]

5:30: CREAK! (This door, while annoying is an excellent early warning system and that’s why I don’t fix it) “Are you wet?” “No” “Then go to the bathroom and go back to bed!” I drift back to sleep. Through the haze, I hear the cat yelping. (In my head) “Goddamn mother blerging stupid cat…my life [...]

More basement updates over there. Also, poor JewelrySlut is going to FLA next week to go see her father and step-mother (I never know how to refer to her…) They haven’t met Chicken yet and it’s time for her to suck it up and leave one asylum for another. I’ll be flying solo with Shmuppie [...]