I’m tired and my head hurts

Go to hell.

Not much has been going on lately. Shmuppie spent last week on a cruise ship in the evil clutches of my mother. They got back late Sunday/early Monday after their train (??!?!?) broke down somewhere outside Rocky Mount, NC. Yes, they took the train home because they didn’t want to buy plane tickets home and my father didn’t want to drive up to MD to get them. I’ll never understand them. Now, Shmuppie is home and she refuses to talk to us about her trip (or anything for that matter).

“How was the trip?”
“Can we just talk about it tomorrow?”

I so look forward to a week on St John with her. Speaking of which…we’re 4 1/2 weeks or so away from the trip. I’ve done little planning.

Chicken (who I think I will start calling Moo) is crawling. She’s also got a taste for power cords. That’s fun. She likes to eat them, and anything else that comes within 7-feet of her head.

5 years ago yesterday, we bought a little house in NC and started this adventure. I guess it would be more meaningful for me if I’d spent all 5 years here. I did some ciphering and figured out that I’ve spent an entire year not here since we moved here. That’s fun!

As overheard last week while JewelrySlut and I only had one child:

Me: Would you like me to go get you a piece of fruit tart?
JewelrySlut: Yes, but come kiss me first…a lover’s kiss.
(Rolls eyes)
JewelrySlut: You can touch my boobies if you want.
(Sprints over, pulls up tank top, awkwardly fondles while kissing)
JewelrySlut: What the hell was that?
Me: I don’t know. The angle was all wrong. I hate to say it, but that was wholly unsatisfying.
JewelrySlut: It was. You could have said ‘no’.
Me: Say ‘no’ top boobies? Inconceivable.
JewelrySlut: I do it all the time.
Me: And I’ll never be able to understand how.

Some time later…

Me: Do you want more fruit tart? (We’d skipped dinner and were just having dessert)
JewelrySlut: Sure
Me: You have a choice; the piece with more fruit or the end. Mind you, the piece with more fruit comes with a piece of kiwi. And we all know that kiwi fruit is the bonus surprise to any fruit tart experience.
JewelrySlut: You should be writing this down.

In other news, Chicken had a cold last week. Now JewelrySlut and I have a cold. We both feel like shit, have a moody 8 year old in the house, and a reinvigorated 10 month old. We’re both feeling, looking, and acting like the walking dead.

4 1/2 more weeks. I keep telling myself it will be OK. Shmuppie will behave and ChurchBomber and MerlotMan will still want to be our friends after this. They’ve never spent that much time with Shmuppie, and if yesterday is any indication of future behavior, they’ll never speak to us again. Shmuppie starts school in 3 weeks. Maybe they’ll whip her into shape before the trip. Though, Js is SUPER EXCITED to be doing homework while on vacation. Because, it’s normally so much fun at home!

That’s it for me…for now.

24 stays

I know I know. Sue me.

Back on target…

I know I have one more trip to PA planned for a few weeks from now, but that’s the last one. So…I took home all of my old hotel keys. Yes, I save them. Why? We got into the habit of doing it in NJ and held the old keys hostage and then would trade them for beer. I guess I did it in PA because I don’t like them very much.

24 trips.

It all started at the end of June of 2008. And, when you consider that I have made one trip since July and only one other trip between Feb and June, the number is impressively sad. 3 trips since Feb. That makes 21 trips in about 8 months. Anyone else wonders why I’m nearly bald and probably have an ulcer?

I went through the key jackets and found some interesting things.

On only 8 trips of the 24 did I not have a room on the 4th floor. That’s interesting. I really don’t mind much because it gives me extra stairs to climb in the morning and evening. One must work hard to maintain this figure.

Trip #5: Room 412. Oh…if I knew then what I know now. Needless to say, I’ll never stay in Room 412 EVER. I advise you don’t either.

Trip 22: Room 410. Oh yes…I started in 410 but ended someplace else…on the 3rd floor if I recall. Well…the 3rd floor by way of the lobby.

One key jacket says room 102. That may not be me or may be from one of the trips where they tried to put me on the 1st floor and I refused. I ain’t staying down there with the drunks. No, Ma’am. Put me on the 4th floor with the midget prostitutes, thank you very much.

It’s too many damn trips to PA. I usually stay 3 or 4 nights per trip. 70+ nights in roughly 8 months. $150 per night after taxes. Over $10,000 in hotel rooms. Wow.

That’s nearly 50 flights. It will take a lot of people a lifetime to get to 50 flights. Yay for me and my Southwest A-List card.

I’m not complaining…much…but when you lay the cards on the table, it adds up to a lot of travel.

I keep getting asked “Where is your next job?” As far as I know it’s in the basement…except for when I travel. They’re telling me only about 1 week per month, but it can be anywhere. It’s probably going to be in the Southeast, so me, Delta and ATL will get a lot more comfortable together. Too bad Delta measures tickets by the distance flown and not the segment. Yet another reason to love Southwest.

2 1/2 more weeks of this. One will be spent splitting time between NJ and PA. I just hope the ride ends when I plan to get off and they don’t find a way to keep me until January or something.

Sky mall

Back in PA today. I had to wake up at early-ass o’clock to catch the 7:00 flight. That does not please me. What else does not please me? Well…my boss is not here this week so I can’t talk to him about what I’m supposed to be doing. Also, Fred’s back to running equipment because his replacement is gone.

20 days after today until I am free.

So…I’m a chronic figdeter on the plane. The flight is under 1hour. In that time, I finished my SI, read some of the NY Times magazine (Oh look…they cut out the Key magazine and have now built it into the regular magazine), read some Discover, took a 15-minute nap, read some of the Sunday Times and looked out the window. You wonder why we won’t go to Hawaii.

Anyway, one of my things is to scan the Skymall catalog once we land and taxi to the gate. Look at this shit:

Snorkel cell phone
Snorkel Cell Phone Thing

For the asshole who needs to be connected to his or her phone while under water? For just under $1800, you can be that asshole. I’m astounded.

Foot tanner Thing

For the asshole who can’t afford the cell phone snorkel, it’s the foot tanning thing. Because I care about strap marks on your feet. I’m strange as it is, but I kinda like tan lines on my feet. It says “Look at me. I live a life of leisure that does not include traditional shoes”.

Skymall thrills me. There’s always something to make me look at it and say “Does ANYone buy this shit?”

Well…time to go wander the hotel in my boxers and see if any midgets need saving.