I’m warning all 3 of you. This entry could run long. It’s likely to be boring and un-funny. With that in mind:
We had a fun weekend. I’d say it’s one of the 2 best weekends we’ve had in the past 2 weekends.
Saturday morning started well. Shmuppie let us sleep in. Upon waking, I wandered downstairs to start breakfast. Promises of bacon had the women in my life excited. Nothing gets the 2 of them excited on a Saturday like bacon. Shmuppie would eat bacon for every meal if we let her. I told you the kid was smart.
After breakfast, we went out couch hunting again. We’ve all heard the sad story of our big comfy couch that lives in exile down here in the basement. Well, we still hate the couch that’s upstairs. We’ve been looking for a replacement since we got here. There’s a used furniture place not to far away and they’re always having sales. I know…used furniture… But, they claim to clean it all and I plan to do the same once it gets here. We’d gone a few weeks ago and found something we liked, but it came with a loveseat that we didn’t want. So, we found another one this weekend. With coupons and sales and shit, it was $300. That’s not bad. It’s in pretty good shape and is hella comfy. Even if we only hold onto it for a year and then sell it for $100, we’re still ahead of the game. I get to go pick it up tomorrow. That means that upstairs couch needs to come down here to the office.
After couch shopping, I got gas for my car.
Holy Shit. $34.00! What happened there?! I can fondly recall the days of a $12 tank. And it’s not like I drive a monster truck or anything. It’s a friggin Intrepid. A dorky white dude car. Now for you all to hate me a little more…
I was so shocked because I’d last bought gas on July 30. I made it a month between fill ups. I did some quick ciphering and realized that if we were still in NJ, we’d be spending almost $500/month in gas alone. Holy Shit. Holy Shit. Holy Shit. I have no idea how we would have pulled that one off. It’s not like we had an extra $300 lying around the house on a monthly basis. Boy, am I happy we moved.
After showers, we were off to WarCryGirl’s neck of the woods. After buying gas an hour before and calculating the trip mileage, I realized that this trip would cost us almost $15 in gas. I expected to be compensated in the form of a leg hump.
I should have known better from my last visit with her not to trust her directions. For the big lunch, they were mostly like this:
“Take the highway for a while. Turn a few times. Fuck it, we all have cell phones.”
These directions were:
Come off the highway, go left, go to the 4th light and turn left.
Ok, sounds simple.
Only, it was more like:
Get off highway; turn left, drive for days. At the 5th light, turn left. 4th light, 5th light. Who cares when you’re lost on the set of Deliverance?
Oh, it’s not that bad. I’ll just say that we’re happy to be living in the megapolis that is Raleigh and not up in the woods. Her town (she has asked for it to remain anonymous. She’s afraid of stalkers like Peteyboy come by and ask her to lick them where they pee) is cute, but a bit rustic for us.
As we pulled off the highway, we passed by a dusty parking lot. In it was an odd-looking woman in a motorized wheelchair. This was on the side of a main road and the parking lot seemed to be bereft of cars. How this woman got there was beyond us. JewelrySlut did remark that it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.
We got to the Rec Center just in time to be loaded like mules with chips and assorted edibles. The party went well. WCG’s no dummy. She didn’t plan anything. She just let the kids run around in circles throwing things at each other. It went well. We had slabs of cake and too many Doritos. Under 2 hours later, we were done.
We went back to the WarCryEstate afterwards. Under penalty of death, I am sworn to say that her house is immaculate and that Martha Stewart has nothing on the WarCrys.
(I’m OK now, right?)
After meeting Hubby, we went to dinner at the local Foodateria. Buffets are big down here. Us and the buffet, not co much. They’re not big up north. But, Hubby did say that the kids would enjoy it and get stuff that even they would like. He was right, The Cap’n, DJ and Shmuppie all chowed down. The food wasn’t bad. It’ wasn’t good, but wasn’t bad.
We got to discussing tea. The waitress brought me a refill of unsweetened tea. I’m waiting for the day when I order it to be asked in return “What part of NJ are you from?”
Down here, they drink Sweet Tea. If you don’t know what it is, please imagine this:
7 drops of water
2 tea bags
42 pounds of sugar.
Steep, stir, drink, go into sugar shock.
WCG was saying how you can’t sweeten cold tea. This is where I showed my Yankeeness.
While I agree that stirring sugar into cold tea can be problematic, there is an alternative.
Me: Make a simple syrup.
Them: Blank stares
Me: You know. Equal parts of water and sugar (at this instance, I could hear the train in my head derail. I could not get out of this sentence. I’d already started it and would have needed to drop my pants or something to distract the group. I knew it would end poorly and that I’d end up looking like a snotty mcsnootsnoot. But, I’d started and couldn’t stop) heated into a syrup. You add it to drinks and the sugar’s already dissolved
Them: Blank stares
Me: in my head Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid
Another dinnertime observation: there was a room next to where we landed that was filled with black people. Not a single white face in there. I found it odd. It was almost like the restaurant decided to segregate itself. Little things I notice down here.
But, dinner was fun. The WarCryFamily is fun to hand with. As a group, they’re funny. Cap’n and WCG are a pair and Hubby and DJ are another. One talks non-stop, the other quietly puts up with the other 2 and eats. Guess which set is which.
Our waitress was nice. She called me “Shug”
Me: (to JewelrySlut) She’s sweet on me. She called me Shug
JS: She called me Shug too
Me: Maybe we can take her home for a threesome
Me: I’d probably just let Sir Clarence strangle her like the hookers in the hotel rooms
JS: Once he got a taste for blood…
We said our goodbyes and, as we were leaving, Shmuppie said bye to Hubby and then flashed him. I know they bought us dinner, but I don’t think she needed to show off her chest to Hubby. She’s going to be fun when she’s 15.
I made great time going home. Back in NJ, I never really went over 75. I don’t know why. Probably because it was hard to trust the other drivers. Down here, there’s nobody on the roads. I went between 80 and 85 the whole way home. We made awesome time.
Sunday was awesome. I knew we had a lot to do. In order to get the upstairs couch down here, we needed to clean out the office. When we moved in, shit just got piled wherever it fit. Well, we got all the storage boxes out on the patio and sorted them. We then got them all back into the storage room. There’s only office things in here. Plenty of room for a couch. We were quite pleased.
We followed up the moving and unpacking with showers.
Later on, we put on a Wiggles DVD for Shmuppie and had sex. That was nice.
Then we washed my car.
Then we went to the pool.
Then I made a huge slab of meat for dinner. At some point, I need to tell the love story of me and my grill. It’s quite a story.
Then, we drank wine and went to bed.
All in all, an awesome weekend. We were productive AND had fun.
One more thing.
On Friday, Cory AKA THX 18366 (link broken in the comments) mentioned Google Earth. Holy Jesus Christ Almighty. Words can not describe how Google Earth makes me feel. Go download it and we can discuss it later.
If Google Earth could make potato salad, JewelrySlut would be on the trading block.