So close your eyes and I’ll be back real soon

I stole some plastic forks and knives from the lunchroom. I bought a corkscrew last weekend.

I am kicking ass!

So, I just drank me my first glass of wine of the evening and it came from a bottle that has a cork!

And…

Then…

I ate a salad…

AND USED A FORK!!!!

Life is so fucking awesome.

It’s Wednesday. I’ll be home in under 48 hours. I have a week at home before I hit the road again for at least another week. That time, I’m headed to Mo Town Phillly.

I know you’re all jealous, but someone’s got to live the good life here. And it’s gotta be me.

My goal is to not get fat on these trips. Having your eating habits go to shit is quite easy when on the road. But, I try none the less. I watch what I eat and try to exercise. And when I say try, I mean strap on my new fancy shmancy ankle weight and work my knee out in the room. The desire to have my free drink always betas a trip to the gym.

So, I’m sitting here doing leg lifts. Sexy, no?

That’s it, folks. I’m tired and have work to do and am looking at an empty wine glass. Time to fill up.

More e-hugs. I need it. I miss my girls and my home.

I catch a little more dialogue comin’ my way

Thanks to WarCryGirl, I learned the following about myself. Jesus Hopscotching Christ, that’s funny.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about NoGoodDaddy!

  1. The Aztec Indians of Mexico believed NoGoodDaddy would protect them from physical harm, and so warriors used him to decorate their battle shields!
  2. NoGoodDaddy was first discovered by Alexander the Great in India, and introduced to Europe on his return.
  3. According to the story, Pinocchio was made of NoGoodDaddy.
  4. Every day in the UK, four people die putting NoGoodDaddy on.
  5. NoGoodDaddy will often glow under UV light.
  6. NoGoodDaddy can turn his stomach inside out!
  7. New Zealand was the first place to allow NoGoodDaddy to vote!
  8. NoGoodDaddy has a bifurcated penis!
  9. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of NoGoodDaddy!
  10. Four-fifths of the surface of NoGoodDaddy is covered in water!
I am interested in – do tell me about

Back to NJ tomorrow. YAY!

Recap of the weekend:
Flight arrived EARLY on Friday! That’s NEVER happened when coming home. Usually, several hours late is more to the point.

Shmuppie head butted me in the ass when she saw me.

We went to dinner and I nearly fell asleep.

Went home and got it on…

Went to the Farmer’s Market yesterday and it rained like all getout.

Tried to do some work and started having another nervous breakdown. Too much to do and not enough hours in the day. But, I’m not going to let it eat me up. I can’t fix it all at once. I can only do one thing at a time. As I said “People on the Apprentice get more help than I’m getting”. Did I mention that HealthCareRelatedCompany has not yet put RedVendor through the Information Security check that they need to go through to handle our data? I kinda thought they might have done that considering they’re GOING TO BE PRINTING AND MAILING SHIT TO OUR MEMBERS!!! LIKE CHECKS!!! Oh…was I yelling?

Napped

Got it on again

Went to check my seat assignment for tomorrow. Came to the realization, yet again, that HealthCareRelatedCompany sucks the sweat off of a donkey’s nut sack. The awesome travel program that we need to use never booked my ticket. It only held it for me. So, my $460 ticket ended up costing them $750. TFB assholes. Maybe is you let us book on our own or call the booking people…I nearly had another stroke.

Dropped Shmuppie at the Y so the 2 of us could have a nice adult dinner. We had a $122 bill before tip. $46 of that was liquor and wine. Yay us!

Picked Shmuppie up. Because the restaurant was not hurrying us, we were almost late and I tested just how far you can get in the Triangle in 20 under minutes (pretty far)

Did you have fun?
I didn’t have a timeout
Why didn’t you have a timeout?
I pushed a boy and put a blue dinosaur on his head but I didn’t have a timeout.
OK…

Went home and passed out cold.

Made bacon for breakfast.

Went to Target to buy more shit that I need now that I’m, a travellin’ man. Like a corkscrew and ankle weights. No leg warmers though. I already have those.

Did some more work.

Took Shmuppie to the Y again for a gymnastics tryout. I guess they need to put the kids into classifications for the coming lessons. (By the way, I plan to be way overbearing just for the fun of it.) On the way, while looking at a map, Shmuppie decided she’d found what she was looking for and exclaimed “OkieDokie”

Me (To JewelrySlut): She’ll say that 50 more times
JewelrySlut (ponders crying)

Over the next 4 miles, Shmuppie said OkieDokie 42 times. I shit you not. It was like this:
OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie OkieDokie

Ready to kill yourself yet? That’s more than 42, but you get the point.

I was.

Now she’s napping and JewelrySlut’s showering so it’s peaceful.

If I fail to comment on your site this week, it’s not because I don’t love you. It’s more because I probably haven’t read you. I have so little time. The other day, I went to my buddy list, sighed and hit Refresh. Sorry folks…

No box of wine this week. I was too hung-over on Friday morning. I’m buying real wine this week.

And maybe a fork.

I wish I could jump on a plane

How bad is it? I’ll tell you. But, first, I have to do this:

If you’re reading this and come see me today, I’ll assign you a name and tell stories about you. Since I like you more than just about anyone else at HealthCareRelatedCompany, you get a nice name and I’ll only tell funny stories that make me look like an idiot.

Yup…I opened my big mouth and challenged someone at work to find me. Took her 1 minute.

We’ll see if how this goes.

Rock bottom…oh yea….

So, I’m so fucking tired that it stopped being funny hours ago. But, I have work to do. But, I also feel bad for not writing more this week…and when I say more I mean “at all”.

(No links tonight…my linkylink cheat sheet is at home…which I think is still in NC)

So…rock bottom.

I’m sitting in my hotel suite (not on the 4th or 5th floor…so no hooker) in a pair of ripped shorts and a t-shirt. I just ate dinner…a salad and garlic bread that I picked up. I had no silverwear, so I ate my salad by hand. That’s sad.

It gets sadder.

I’m drinking something called Vendange Chardonnay. Not only is it Chardonnay…a wine I no longer care for, but it comes in…essentially a large juice box. Yup…rock bottom. When I bought it, the cashier offered me a straw. Sad… Of course, I also bought ChurchBomber one of these the other night when I went to go sit on their couch and complain that I was tired. It’s a ritual when I come up here. I bring them wine in exchange for listening to me complain about shit. I’m sure they love it. But, I bought ChurchBomber a “bawks of wine” so that made it OK. I think we’re buying a case of these things before next summer. The box says it’s 3 servings. Right. 3 servings? It’s 3 glasses…since when is a glass a serving of wine?

Anyhoo…

Holy hopping shit am I busy. I’m going home tomorrow only to come back on Monday. I’m off to the Philly-area on Feb 6 for a visit to the vendor site. I hope not to have to come up the week in between. I may have to. Shit…I may just go buy my house back. It may be worth it in the end. It’s possible that I may be here 3 weeks out of 4 until some time in April. That s to the ucks.

On another note, I may have been offered a job with RedVendor. Of course, it’s in PHILADELPHIA! They assume I’d commute…that’s what all their project managers do apparently. I don’t know about that. As much as JewelrySlut hates me, having me no longer be at home could even get to her. There’s only so many locals you can fuck before you yearn for your hairy-assed, balding husband (that would be me).

So, back to the busy…

We met with our network/mainframe/whateverthehell people today. I have no idea what happened other than that I have no idea what happened. Something about VPNS or T1 lines and something called “Intrusion Management”. All I know is that people keep getting calls from me that go like this:

Hi…this is NoGoodDaddy. I’m working on the BIG project that includes shutting down the production at MyFacility. I just got your name and think you need to be in on this meeting because the plan is to transition the work prior to April 1.

Then this happens

HA!HA! HA!HA! HA!HA! HA!HA!

Then I say “I know…but can you help me any way?”

It’s fun….

But I’m learning and everyone keeps telling me that this is good resume fodder. It’s quite an experience. I’m used to running a show and knowing fully what’s going on . Not this time. This is more of delegation and information gathering. As long as I keep getting the right people in the room and can take notes and disseminate information, I should be fine. But, it’s very eye-opening.

I have a 3:00 flight tomorrow and I pray that it’s on time. I want to go home and see my girls. Every time I talk to Shmuppie she tells me how much she misses me. I loaded pictures of her to my new Palm so it’s kinda OK. But not quite right.

I miss my girls and hope this is all worth it in the end…

More E-kisses, folks.

I can feel the love…or is that the wine? God is it ever awful.

Leave a candle in the window, I’m coming home

Quickie update in case any of you missed me.

I’m in NJ this week, working with a guy from RedVendor who has the personality of a wet, soggy leaf. He had to go to his hotel at 4:30 yesterday because he was tired.

GREAT!

It’s cold here. I no longer have a tolerance for cold.

The waitress at the restaurant bar recognized me and said it had been a while. I’m officially scared. I’ve become a regular at the Embassy Suites in Parsippany NJ.

Shmuppieism before I go:

We’re in JC Penney’s on Friday buying luggage. We’re in the bedding area:

“Look at that bed. It’s so Cute-iful”
Me (to JewelrySlut): Did she just say…
JewelrySlut(Waving me off because there’s no sense in pursuing it): Shhh…

The 2 of them are alone all week. I hope they both make it.

Bye everyone. Miss me and send me lots of e-hugs and kisses. I can’t say why other than…because you all love me.