I’ve been noticing a few things about Raleigh and North Carolinians lately. And I’m not sure I like them (the things)
First: The people here are not very polite. Nice; yes. So nice that they’ll gab your ear off over anything. But, hold a door? Hell to the no. They’ll sooner slam it in your face that hold it for you. I happen to think that it’s nothing more than common courtesy to hold a door for any person who is 2 steps behind you going into a building. Every day, I have a person waltz right through. I’ve been hit by a few doors because, not paying attention, I expected it to be held for me. You should see the looks and praises I get when I hold doors. Shit, it ain’t no big thang. I guess maybe they smell the aloof Yankeetude on me.
Second: The drivers here are really starting to piss me off. A lot. They suck.
But, the roads are pretty cool. We live right near the intersection of a major East-West and North-South road here in North Raleigh. The E/W road is 2 lanes in each direction and the N/S is 2 or 3 in all places. When he was here, Merlot Man kept remarking on the roads. He could not believe that we had multi-lane roads. In northern NJ, it’s all one lane except if it’s a highway. Down here, they built the roads knowing people were coming. Smart folks. But, the lanes are a wee bit narrow. I think a standard lane of traffic is 12 feet wide. I think we have a lot of 10 footers. Reminds me of the Driscoll Bridge in NJ. Narrow lanes. So, there’s less wiggle room in the lane. Couple that with the fact that about 562 million assholes bought SUVs and pickups over the last 5 years and you have the potential for trouble.
Back to the drivers. They suck ass taint. And I think it’s because the average southerner is a blithering idiot. Face it, it’s a fact. (Exhibit 1 (Oh yes, I so did say that)) Throw them all a cell phone and disaster lurks. Throw them a big vehicle and it is lurkier. Then, put them in narrow lanes and we have ourselves a party. You have no idea how often I’m driving along, minding my business, marveling over how awesome Raleigh is when some assfucker in a pickup is suddenly lurching my way. Bubba is usually on his cell, likely talking to The Sports Pig about wanting to get man-raped by JJ Redneck or something. Bubba then lurches at me and then lurches away into the lane on the other side. Bubba is also good about coming to a complete stop before he turns (often sans blinker). I like that one, especially when he’s turning right on the other side of the road and I’m trying to determine whether or not I can make a left into t he same street (A skill that I’m learning…seeing as left hand turns are illegal in NJ). Know what else Bubba likes to do? He likes to be in the far left turning lane (#1 going left to right) and make a right, cutting across lanes 2-5. Same applies for left turns from the right turn lane. I like that one a lot. I need to buy me a gun.
I knew how to handle driving in NJ. There was a pattern to the randomness of it all. Basically, if there were more than 2 inches between you and the car in front of you, no matter your speed, you needed to expect that another car would try to occupy it. It was a fact of life and you could plan for it. Here…no pattern. You’re driving along and suddenly, you have someone on top of you for no good reason other than the fact that his inbred moonshine-addled brain can’t handle driving and talking at the same time.
That was all written yesterday. I van never get through an entry all in one sitting.
Where was I? Right..nowhere…
I couldn’t get it done yesterday because I have received yet another set of work-related marching orders. Guess who’s leaving on a jet plane again? I get to spend all of next week in Sunny NJ. Woohoo! Up on Monday AM and back on Friday afternoon. A fun-filled week of meetings and planning. We need to cram 120 days worth of shit into the next 78. I’m so excited. If there’s nothing I love more than corporate feet dragging, it’s corporate feet dragging.
I need to shop today and tomorrow as a result. I need luggage. All I have is one small rolling bag. It’s fine for a 2 night trip, but it’s winter and clothes tend to get bigger in the winter. Plus, I’ll need to pack sneakers to wear to the hotel gym…need to keep rehabbing. Plus, all we have is an assortment of huge duffel bags for our luggage. It’s high time we get some real bags. Plus, there are sales galore this weekend.
I also think it’s time to join the digital age and get me a PDA. I need a way to get to my phone numbers and notes without booting the laptop up and I guess that’s the way to do it. I’m going out this afternoon to get it. I dread getting one because I hate the people who are always ticking away at them in public places, while on their Bluetooth thing, while wearing neatly pressed Dockers. Ugh…makes me want to puke. Off I go to further my training as a digital asshole! I’m keeping it simple and getting a pretty basic Palm. I don’t need the ability to watch movies or take pictures or play music or cook dinner…I need addresses and phone numbers and notes. I’m so wicked old school.
One programming note:
Since it’s about to be my favorite season of the year (College Hoops season), you may notice this mess taking on a slightly sportish tone. If you don’t like it, fuck off. But I think I need to stir up some basketball fever here.
For the record:
Went to Rutgers but they suck so never really liked them.
Did not go to UConn but have followed them since 1990 and am a lunatic fan
Hate North Carolina
Viscerally Hate Duke.
I can’t tell you how much I hate Duke. I’m getting angry just typing their name.
One Shmuppieism for the road:
Last night…dinner time…Shmuppie is getting a head start on things because, as I say, she evolves into dinner.
So, the 2 of us are in the kitchen getting our dinners ready and Shmuppie’s at the table…eating spaghetti by hand.
JewelrySlut: Hey Shmuppie! Think maybe you could try using your utensils?
Shmupipe: No, I’ll use my handtensil