She bitches about the mosquitoes

Thwack. (I flicked Shmuppie on her head for being a brat or something)
Shmuppie: Ouch…what was that?
Me: A mosquito
S: A Spageeto?
M: No…a Mosquito
S: Spageeto?
M: No, mosquito. Mo…skee…toe. Mosquito
S: Oh…mosquito
JewelrySlut: She’s gonna need more than just speech therapy. She’s gonna need one of those talking keyboard things
S: No, I want an accordion
J: An accordion is an interesting choice.
M: I didn’t know accordions had that technology
S: Yes, Daddy. An Accordion

Thwack (She’d been rude again)
S: What was that?
M: The mosquitoes again
S: Spageeto?
M: No…mosquito
J: Don’t the spageetos live down the block?
M: Yea…they work at LTM (the Mexican restaurant)
S: I’m going to have a baton to conduct the boys in the band
J: A Mariachi band I guess.
At this point, I pushed my place mat aside and put my head on the table to weep quietly.

Yup…dinner at casa NoGoodDaddy.

I decided that I needed to write that down for you all. Hope you enjoyed it.

One note of a job-related nature (and I know I said I wouldn’t post anything but this is good)

So, I had an interview just now for another job at HealthCareRelatedCompany. So, the guy asks “Why do you want to leave your position”
“Because when the project is over to transition out the print room, I’m being terminated”
“What?! Why?!”
“That’s the decision that was made. So, as you can understand, I am looking for a new position”
“So, if it looks like I’m pounding the internal job board, I kinda am”
“Why are they getting rid of you?!”

And so it goes.

Is it wrong to hook up fake, battery operated, security cameras down at the pool? That’s my next idea. Maybe the fear of video will deter some of the kids from trashing the place.

Of course, I know I’m delusional.

I’m a one man band with no immediate plans

I’m beat. I barely know what friggin day it is lately.

Let’s see:

Friday: Up early for a 7:30 AM flight home. On the ground before 9, and met by the ladies shortly thereafter. We went to the Y and I came home to work. I was tired. I may have napped at some point, but it was so long ago, I barely remember. We did go out to dinner though. I think it was good. We also learned how to check the chlorine and pH of the pool, saving us $1200 in additional pool company charges. It was also hot.

Saturday: Up early because the kid refuses to sleep past 7:00. Ugh… While making breakfast, I almost broke Shmuppie’s hand. For reasons only known to her 4-year old mind, she thought it would be a good idea to reach up and touch the stove while I was making her some eggs. Now, she’s been told like 47 million times not to do that, so what made her think t hat Saturday was the right time to do it was beyond me. We have one of those glass top electric ranges, so, fortunately, her hand landed just off of the red part. I grabbed it (quite forcibly I’ll add), hollered at her and whacked her hand. The whack was a little too hard, but my mind had kinda seized up at that point. We were off to a good start.

We had breakfast on the deck and that was nice. After that was cleaned up, I decided to go play lumberjack. I cut down parts of a few trees out behind our house. I made quite a mess of myself in the process. Really, it was fun. We went out and did a little shopping (JewelrySlut needed some new bikinis now that she’s convinced herself that she can “get away with” wearing one again”). We came home and spent some time poolside I think. I barely remember.

Oh yea…we also had made a bucket of slushy sangria. Ummm…sangria-induced ice cream head…

And…we watched Lost. I mean; what the fuck?

Sunday: Another productive day. We went to the Farmer’s Market…again to buy fruits and things. Then, we went out to buy mulch. Ever buy mulch by the bag? Ever do it if you’re an idiot?
This is how it goes:
Measure the space at home (150 square feet)
Drive to store and look at bags.
The bags are sold in 3 cubic feet units. It actually made my brain bleed to calculate how many I needed. I came up with this formula:
Each bag will make a 3′ x 1′ x 1′ lump of mulch. Since I don’t need it to be a foot deep, I figured I could get 6 3′x1′ lumps that were 2″ deep. That gave me 18 square feet. The mulch-kid was impressed with my ciphering skills. I bought 10 bags.

Then, I mulched and sweated a lot. I think we showered after that and sat by the pool. It may have been on that trip where I had to chide a child for throwing a lit cigarette butt into the VERY DRY weeds. Kids don’t know how to respond when adults speak to them, do they? Later in the day, some kids were throwing the pool furniture at each other. When I went down to check the pool water, they tried to slink away. Not so fast boys. I made them pick up all their shit. Their mother will hear form me about it.

Shit…this is boring.

Monday: More pool time and then we landscaped with Miss Anne. We wanted to clean up the entry way to our parking lot. We ripped out some old bushes and put in some new ones and some flowers. It looks nice. Step by step, we may actually build our court into a community. We’re getting there. The rest of Monday involved napping.

Wow…we got a lot done and spent a lot of time in the sun. I’m a little sun burnt, but that’s OK. I want to be tanned before I go to St John so I don’t have to be so afraid of the sun while I’m there.

Today is just a big catch-up day. Lots to do from work. I’m home this week and away next. Then home for one and away for another. After that the travel may be really slowing down. Taking Southwest last week was a smart move. They’re less crazy than US Air and the flights all left on time. But, it’s still a kick to watch the cattle pile up to get seats like 90 minutes before the flights leave. I just sat back and waited for the end of the A group to board, got on line and sat in Row 2 for both flights. Very painless…

Now I’m on a boring conference call. Afterwards, I need to go check the pool again and then take a shower.

Wow…what an exciting life I lead.

And I’m leaving this town as soon as I can

What a past few days. It’s been a friggin whirlwind.

Friday: Not much happened with work. That was good. I had to juggle Presidential duties (huh huh huh duties) involving some crazy people, a broken car, a threatening dog, and just some more shit. Plus, my allergies were raging. Then, we got Chinese food for dinner from a new place called Wang’s Kitchen. I’ll tell you that we had coupons, but you know why we went there. It may have been fetid because we paid for it all night.

Saturday: Shmuppie got up at like 7:00. Ugh…so early. But, we had a lot to do.

So, allergies raging, we went to the Farmer’s Market yet again. Damn, we love it there. But, we made certain to go because it was apparently emu day. And ever since I was attached by a flock of emus once, JewelrySlut likes to try to get me and them together as often as possible because she doesn’t get enough entertainment in her normal life. Alas, there were no emus; just a booth from the NC Emu Society who seemed to be offering up things like emu oil and emu soap. Um…eew? We bought some veggies and went home.

I was back and forth to the pool and clubhouse for a while. The wedding is still on for June and the folks throwing it were starting the cleaning. I was cleaning the pool a little bit in advance of the opening day party I was throwing. It was a nice day and things were going well.

The ladies headed to the airport to get Grammy and I went to buy balloons for my shindig. Finally 3:00 rolled around, and I opened the gate to the pool and the crowds arrived. It was amazing. I’d never seen that many people at the pool. People were hanging out and having a good time. The weather was magnificent. The water was frigid. But, the kids didn’t care and had a ball. Shmuppie, JewelrySlut, and Grammy got there and Shmuppie went for a swim. The party wound down and we went to dinner.

The evening was warm and, with my mother in the house, we had no cross ventilation. I realize that there is no logic in that sentence, but bear with me. The guest room is in the front of the house and ours is in the back. Closed doors = no cross ventilation and it was hot. At midnight, I woke up because I heard noise form the hallway. It seems Shmuppie had woken up crying and she and Grammy were in the bathroom. I have no idea what was going on. So, I went back to bed. More noise started at 2:00. I poked JewelrySlut and sent her to check on the kid. Shmuppie was sound asleep. This meant only one thing; people in the pool.

Now, we’ve been discussing that the rules for 2006 will be: People in the pool after hours = immediate call to the police. So, I went downstairs to get a better look, and lo and behold, people were in the pool and making noise. So, I called the police and dispatched someone to the complex. Like a minute later, the people left the pool area. They had a dog with them. The dog ran and they called out for it “JEZEBELL!”

I don’t know what happened first; did my heart sink or did my head explode with rage? Why did I react so? Because Jezebel belongs to the people who are throwing the wedding. The fuckers were in the pool making noise at 2:00 in the morning. I was furious. Not only was it inappropriate, but it was the day after I’d gotten my board to allow them to hold the wedding. I was ready to freak out. I called the police back and told them that the people had left the site. I was ready for the morning. It took me about an hour to calm down once I got back to bed. I was just so angry. I had stuck my neck out for these people and they, in turn, went and took advantage of me. I don’t have the words to describe how mad I was.

Needless to say, I slept fitfully from there out.

Sunday: More allergies
I was still livid and not even the sausage biscuits I made for breakfast made me feel better. JewelrySlut talked me off the ledge and told me not to freak out at the neighbors, but to go talk nicely to them and explain why what they did was so very inappropriate. I went down to the pool and found a bunch of beer cans lying around. But, I maintained calm and waited to see what happened.

A few hours later, the bride to be came over. The pool was being filled and the water was pretty high. She wanted to let me know so I could call the pool company.

Me: Um…I don’t want to be a jerk, but can we talk?
Her: um…sure?
Me: You guys were in the pool at 2:00 and that’s not cool
Her: (Angry) I was asleep at 2. It wasn’t me.
Me: Ok then, but the dog’s name is Jezebel, right? Because she was down at the pool with a few guys. I called the cops but then realized who was there and cancelled the call
Her: Unable to speak because she’s deciding to be mortified or enraged.
Me: There were also beer cans all over the place this morning.
Her: My fianc‚ had some friends over. (Getting angrier) What’s wrong with him? We’re cleaning up that place to have a wedding! Oh…I’m gonna go talk to him. (Rage rising)
Me: Look, We’re going to enforce the police thing and we don’t need them getting arrested a few weeks before the wedding
Her: Storms off.

A few hours later, I was down at the pool trying to figure out how to shut the water off. The fianc‚ kinda slinked over. He’d been spoken to (or at for that matter). Somehow I don’t think this guy had ever apologized to no Yankee dumbass before, but he was contrite to say the very least. I almost felt bad for the guy. He’d screwed up and had paid for it. Never cross an angry bride to be.

The rest of Sunday went well. We hung by the pool for a while and enjoyed the sun. Because nothing’s easy, White Trash Winnie and her kids showed up. Um…they don’t live in our place anymore. I figured that I wouldn’t say anything because I’d done enough already. I’m going to let Miss Anne handle this one when she gets back from vacation. She and Winnie hate each other. Anne will be more than happy to handle it for me.

Monday: Alarm went off at 4:45. That’s an ungodly hour. I had a 6:35 flight. This has been a long day. I left the plant at about 4:30 and came to the hotel. I unpacked and laid down to read a little bit. Nearly an hour later I woke up. Seems the lack of sleep and hay fever had caught up to me. I’ve rallied a little bit now.

This should be a busy week. We have a lot do to tomorrow through Thursday. It’s going to be insane as we try to drive this mess home. Developments keep popping up that are making it hard to hit our date. I’m doing what I can, but a lot is out of my hands. All I can do it manage what’s in my area and hope the rest falls into place.

On a good note, I got a 2 bedroom suite this weekend. Or, should I say…2 bedroom SWEET? Anyone wanna come to PA and hang out?

Is she strollin along the shore or cruisin oer the broad savannah

Let me tell you about last night’s dinner:

Setting: A dinner table in Raleigh, NC
Players: NoGoodDaddy, JewelrySlut, Shmuppie
Adult Menu: Turkey Burgers (yummmm) and pasta salad
Kiddie Menu: Spaghetti, mixed veggies, chicken nuggets, fish sticks (And get the fuck off my ass for preparing her own food. She’s a lousy eater as it is)
Weather: Thunder, lightning, heavy rain

So, we sit down to eat:

Shmuppie: I can’t play with my best friends.

NoGoodDaddy: Who are your best friends?

Shmuppie: No, my best friends

NoGoodDaddy: (Looking across the table for help…and getting none) OK

Shmuppie: I can’t play with my best friends. Like Grammy, Grampy, Gramps, Miss S, SecretAgentBrother (Dropped the Uncle), Michael Buble, LongIslandAunt, LongIslandCousin

Parents: (Stunned silence)

Shmuppie: I can’t play with them because it’s raining. When it’s not raining, I can play with them outside

Parents: (Stunned silence)

Yea…Again, why is Michael Buble playing outside (but not in the rain) with my daughter? Not only does he call her quite often, but he also came up in conversation a month ago when Shmuppie decided who was going to Disney World with her. I’m not saying that I’m worried, but the radar is on.

My Presidential Powers are getting to me. I rammed a vote through the board to get the aforementioned wedding held at our clubhouse. As I see it, the trade off is there. I have to deal with a redneck wedding at the clubhouse out behind my house. But, in return, they’re going to go in and totally clean and renovate the place. Clean it from top to bottom and repair the electrical and A/C. Shit…I can’t argue with that. The clubhouse is pretty cool and several of us think it could be used for events and stuff. We just need it cleaned and updated a little bit.

I also am flexing Presidential Muscle today about another situation. We have a potentially unruly neighbor who I have to deal with. Someone had his car towed recently. Seems it had been in an accident and he had repaired it enough to drive it but was waiting for parts or something to do the other repairs. But, the guy and another guy who he rents to (a no-no apparently) are apparently belligerent assholes. So, I’ve come up with a solution and I believe I have enough people to get it done. If not, I’m deciding it because we can’t tow peoples’ cars because we don’t like them. As much as I would like to be running a Police State, I’m not…yet. Good times.

And, I’m on a flight on Monday to PHL again. A week of fun and sun in North Wales, PA. I have an early AM flight and am coming home first thing on Friday morning. I usually consider PHL to be about the 7th circle of hell. On the Friday going into Memorial Day weekend, I think undeniable horror would better describe it. I’m so excited.

JewelrySlut just came down and told me that I flexed my Presidential Muscle last night and that she’s like a Presidential Pardon later on if possible.

I’m gonna get some nookie. I’m gonna get some nookie. I’m gonna get some nookie.
NaNa NaNa NaNa

Sometimes I catch her dreamin and wonder where that little mind meanders

Have you considered having kids?

Do you think it’s a good idea?

I’m not saying that it is or isn’t, but let me provide the following as what you may have to deal with should you have kids:

Setting: A Dining Room in Raleigh
Players: Shmuppie and JewelrySlut
Time: After Dinner


Shmuppie: Who’s on the phone?

JewelrySlut: It could be MerlotMan. (He and I were playing phone tag to set up our recently changed flights to St Thomas)

Shmuppie: Or ChurchBomber. Or Grammy and Grampy. Or Gramps and Miss S. Or Nana. Or Michael Buble. Or Uncle SecretAgentBrother. Or what’s the girl’s name?

JewelrySlut: SecretAgentEx-Girlfriend? (Met when we were in DC a year ago during the drive here)

Shmuppie: Yes. SecretAgentEx-Girlfriend. I’m really shy to Nana but I’m not shy to Michael Buble.

(End of conversation)

I believe at this time, JewelrySlut started crying. But, before she did so, she had the good sense to write down the conversation, knowing full well how we would enjoy it.

My thoughts on the matter: Why is a Canadian pop star calling my house?

Better yet, why and how is my late Mother-in-Law calling my house. And, were she to call me, you bet your collective asses, I’d be shy. And, by shy, I mean scared so bad that I’d shit.

Not much else here. I continue to flex my Presidential Muscle around here. The latest issue is that some white trash neighbors want to hold a wedding in our clubhouse (by the pool). But…the clubhouse is closed because it’s apparently unsafe. Meetings will be held for sure.

And…my mother’s coming this weekend. Wasn’t she just here for Shit’s sake? Fuckall!