The sun is hot and that old clock is moving slow

The weekend was a lot if fun, but I still haven’t recovered. I’m sick as 3 sick dogs. My colon is tired. My ass is burning. My tongue hurts. My throat is sore.

And, amazingly, there was no gay sex involved.

Saturday’s flight to BWI went well. It’s a very quick hop; all of 42 minutes in the air. I arrived and called my father who was supposed to be meeting me. Of course, I knew from about 9:30 that he would not be meeting me. He didn’t leave nearly enough time to get from NJ to Baltimore on a summer Saturday. In fact, it’s best if you leave NJ now to get there for this Saturday.

Me: Hey. I’m here. Where are you?
Dad: I’m just crossing the Delaware Memorial Bridge
Me: Wow. That’s not good.
Dad: (hemming and hawing)
Me: I’ll just go to the hotel. I’ll get a cab or something. It’s cool.

So, I took the Baltimore Light Rail. That’s a step for me. No, I don’t fear trains like I fear clowns, but I happen to know that my father-in-law designed its electrical system and that Quasi built some of the cars while he took a semester off from school. I had reason to be scared. But, I survived and trekked over to the hotel. It took me about an hour to get to the hotel and then I had about an hour to kill before Dear old Dad arrived. He wore the face of a weary driver who’d just driven from NJ to Baltimore. They’re easy to identify; they look like Zombies.

We got cleaned up and walked over to Camden Yards. We’ve both wanted to get there since it opened, so it was a lot of fun. We grabbed a beer and some lunch out in the open concourse they have and watched some batting practice.

It was hot. Really hot. The game was nowhere near starting and we both were soaked through with sweat. Thankfully, our seats were in the shade.

Since we are awesome, we had Club-level seats. The best thing about the club level is that its concourse is enclosed AND air conditioned. We had good seats, down the 3rd base line a ways. Here’s the view:

It was hot. And, the game was brutal. Too many pitches were thrown for my liking. The Orioles just suck nut and did not fail to disappoint. We left after the 7th inning because we needed to get changed for dinner. Have I mentioned the heat?

We met my brother and his crew and went to the harbor for dinner. I had picked out McCormick and Schmick’s because I knew it was good. And it was. We had some drinks at the bar beforehand and I got to meet SecretAgentBrother’s new girlfriend. She seems nice, but as I have mentioned, carries some baggage.

We got our table and had a great time eating and making a lot of noise. Fortunately, it was late and the place was emptying.

Did I mention that it was late? It’s never wise for me to eat after 9:00. I’m like a Gremlin. Bad things happen when I eat anything after about 9:00. We finished dinner at 11:30.

I woke up yesterday and felt a little off. More dehydrated than anything else. I figured that a shower and some coffee would help me out. I’ll point out here that I did NOT feel hungover at all. Just tired. I washed up and shat a few times.

We hit the road for Philadelphia and things were fine. We got up 95 a ways and I requested a stop at the next rest stop. I could feel a little rumbly in my tummy and just figured I needed to shit again.

WRONG!

Well, I proceeded to shit AND puke. YAY. I officially felt beyond crappy at this point. My stomach was in full revolt mode. It was very angry and was not afraid to tell me about it. And, because I can’t make myself puke, it was an entirely unpleasant experience. We got back in the car and I said right off that we’d be stopping at the rest stop in Delaware because I knew I was not done. What I was hoping for was one more bathroom stop and then I’d be fine.

WRONG!

We spent about 1 1/2 hours at the rest stop. I was in the bathroom almost the whole time. Crapping, puking, washing, etc. It was unpleasant on many levels. And, it was hot. Oh shit, was it ever hot. I tried to drink a little juice and eat some crackers, but it was not meant to be. All the while, my father’s on the phone with JewelrySlut seeing if they can get me on an earlier flight home. I’ll give my father credit, time has mellowed him. Were this 20 years ago (and things like this did happen 20 years ago), I’d have been dead. But, he just let me sit in the air conditioned car and let the waves pass.

Finally, I knew I was done with projectile anything, and I convinced him that we should go to the game. As it was, there were no flights and the though of sitting at PHL all afternoon was not at all appealing. So, we drove up to the stadium and went in. We happened to be sitting about 4 rows over from when I was up there in May. So, that was fun.

I hate to say it, but they have themselves one hell of a ballpark
***Wait…I’ll mention that as I wrote that last work, my belly rumbled. I tried to sneak out a little toot and nearly shit my pants. So, I’m now back from the bathroom, about 5 gallons lighter**
in Philadelphia. We had a good comparison in our minds. Camden Yards was the first of the new stadiums and you can see why it was so revolutionary when it opened. But, The Cit has it beat. Damn, it’s just gorgeous. We’d been talking about the new stadium the Yankees are getting and while I do love The Stadium, they deserve to play in a place that nice.


The game, however, was not gorgeous. In fact, it sucked. Randy Wolf started the 1st inning for the Phils by throwing 40 pitches. If that means nothing to you, let me tell you that a good pitcher can throw 9 innings and do it in under 120 pitches. So, 40 for half an inning is NOT COOL! Especially when it’s like 98 degrees out and you feel sick! NOT COOL I SAY!

We made it through 7 innings again and then I needed to get to the airport. The game was eternal. I was feeling a little less crappy at that point. I’ll say that I was thrilled to be back at PHL. The flight was only 1 hour late, so I made it home a little after 8:00.

And, needless to say, I’m still sick this morning. Either this is the world’s worst (and undeserved) hangover or I just ate too much too late at night. Either way, it sucks. We had a great time, but it would have been better were I not ill.

I also learned that SecretAgentBrother has a connection to get Ravens tickets. I think it’s possible that I’ll be flying to BWI again in the fall to catch a football game. And before I get accused of being all rich or something, the airfare is under $95 round trip. It would be $80 in gas alone to drive up. And, it’s 2 1/2 measly hours from my home to downtown Baltimore. 6+ hours by car. You do the math. I love me some Southwest.

My father really had a good time and was very happy to be out of the house for a weekend. Even if we don’t do the football game, we’re planning out a tour of all the minor league parks in NC or plotting out other cities to hit for MLB games.

JewelrySlut is jealous. And, not in one of those ways that dumb women get jealous because I’m going away. More because she loves baseball and really wanted to come along for the games. We’ll have to figure out who can watch Shmuppie for our next junket.

Now, I have just under 3 weeks to get my stomach in order and get ready for my next trip. I don’t want to shit anymore. My poor asshole is rubbed raw. And, it’s so fucking hot out. It’s supposed to be over 100 this week with heat indices over 110. I tell you, folks, that’s hot. Like, ball-stink hot.

Or on the telephone

My head hurts. Not like a headache, more of an aching head. Not like little men with hammers are in my head, whacking away at me. This is more of an aching head. My scalp hurts. I started bitching about it last night to JewelrySlut. It went like this:

(Sitting on the couch, watching TV)
Me: My ear hurts (whining a lot)
JewelrySlut: Your ear? What’s wrong with you?
Me: My left ear hurts. Like a lot.
JewelrySlut: It’s your headset. You had it on a lot today.
Me: No…it’s not the headset. My ear hurts.
JewelrySlut: You’re a dumbass.

Fast forward to this morning:

Me: My head hurts. Ob the right side
JewelrySlut: Asshole. It’s your headset
Me: No, it’s not. My head hurts.

So, I come down here and pop my headset. Screaming pain on my left ear and right side of my head. Guess what?

1: I’m a dumbass
2: The headset was making my head hurt.

I seem to remember having something witty to write from yesterday. Of course, I’ve forgotten what it was.

At the gym the other day, I was getting dressed after my strenuous, sweat-inducing workout. They had CNN on the TV’s. Some dopey representative wants to tax gas companies 100% of their profits if they are deemed “excessive”. Isn’t making what you can when you can one of the mail tenets of capitalism? And, if there was no demand for gas, wouldn’t it cost less. They charge at least $3 per gallon because we’ll buy it, right? I mean, did anyone force you (the regal you, not you or you or you) to buy that SUV? If you don’t want to pay for gas, don’t fucking buy any. Start walking or taking the bus. Or just fuck yourself. In fact, I like that option best.

Here’s something else that pissed me off. And Dangerspouse would agree with me. I’m in the car, listening to crappy Raleigh radio, and a song by The Jets comes on the radio. I’m all like “ooh…1987. The Jets” and the DJ-ette is babbling about some thing or another as the intro plays on. Sensing what’s about to happen, I start yelling Hit the Post! Hit the fucking post you twat! Don’t fuck it up! She didn’t hit the post and talked over the first 2 words of the song. Fucking twat.

Wow…that was angry, wasn’t it?

So, I’m off to Baltimore tomorrow for a weekend of baseball and male bonding with my father. Except for the fact that my brother, his new girlfriend and his old roommate are joining us for dinner. It’s my first time meeting her. She’s my age and has 2 kids, ages 13 and 8. (I’m 31). They live with their respective fathers because …well, we’re not sure exactly why. Maybe because she couldn’t deal with it. We don’t know. What we do know is that they’re moving in soon and I’m betting that in 18 months someone’s going to drop a nephew or niece on our doorstep to raise as one of our kids. Awesome.

I hope my flights go well, but who am I kidding? I’ll be back at PHL on Sunday afternoon, praying for death.

For fun, in 3 weeks, JewelrySlut and Shmuppie are flying to PHL. We decided it was worth the $200 to have the 2 of them fly up on a Wednesday morning, meet my mother and have JewelrySlut fly home that afternoon. This way, she doesn’t have to drive to DC and back in one day. That would take like 15 hours at least to do, and piss us all off a lot. This way, we drop the kid off up North before the trip. JewelrySlut will drive to DC after we get back to claim the kid like a lost coat at my brother’s place.

All I know is that St John is getting closer and I can’t wait.

I just bought a water bed, it’s filled up for me and you

The phone rings yesterday morning and I can see it’s our property manager.

“Hey Carol, what’s going on?”
NoGoodDaddy? (She had mad” phone skills)”
“Yes. Hi.”
“Someone at 1780 just called me saying their hot water heater is leaking and he doesn’t know how to shut it off.”
“Why on Earth would he call you? What’s he want you to do about it?”
“I don’t know. Can you help him?”
“Sure. I can turn off a leaky hot water heater.”

So, off I went to this guy’s house. He had one hell of a leaky hot water heater. Poor bastard’s basement was soaked. I shut off his main water line first (because the valve on the heater was stuck) and then got some pliers. Crisis averted. The guy was a mess. And, I can’t blame him. I started telling him what needed to be done and we got to work. We cleared his basement and called Ricky, my water cleanup Redneck. The basement was a mess and a half. This guy is a slob. Just shit piled everywhere…AND he plans to list the house soon. I told him this was a good excuse to get some new carpet and throw away a lot of the shit he had piled about. I also advised that he get a new hot water heater. He seemed dazed by the thought. He also thought this was somehow not his responsibility and that the HOA should be paying. I had to explain that it really didn’t work that way. He also said that he didn’t have home insurance. Not that it would have covered a hot water heater leak, but who doesn’t have homeowner’s insurance? Seems he’s relying on the lame ass policy the community has. That’s some good home ownership if you ask me.

Work is fun. I’m officially removed form the day to day operations up in PA. This is a good thing because I no longer want to be involved on site. It’s not my job to go there and run a printer. I’m better suited here at home, managing the screaming that comes at me from HealthCareRelatedCompany and from RedVendor. And, let me tell you, there’s a lot of screaming. Honestly, how does one lose 20,000 pieces of paper? That’s 4 of the big boxes you buy copy paper in. How do you lose it? I don’t know, but for 3 weeks running now, some asswipe in my old office has claimed that she didn’t get a 20,000 page report. Last week, I went to her desk and pointed at the 4 boxes that were sitting next to it. “Do you mean this?” I asked with just a tad of sarcasm in my voice. “Is this your missing report that you’ve causing people to run around 2 states looking for?”

Fuck heads. All of them.

We went to 2 furniture stores yesterday. Not so bad. In fact, we think we found something we like. We still have to repaint our room before we buy anything, but think we’ve found a winner. A part of me wants to wait until November though. Apparently, High Point, NC is the Home Furnishings Capitol of the World. I know they have a huge show in late October where all the manufacturers show their wares. I also know that after the show ends, they unload all their floor and show samples at really low prices. We may wait until then, drive over to High Point, and see what’s available at a low low price. Either way, our bedroom is annoying. It’s big (17 feet by 11 feet), but has 2 wasted walls. One of the 11′s is all closets. One of the 17′s is taken up by a 14 foot wide window. There’s only so much you can put against the windows without it looking goofy. As it is, our bed is against that wall now. I think anything we buy will have to go that way. The other 17 has the entry door and the bathroom door, so wall space is further limited. I found this nifty room planner on line. We’ve been dragging furniture around a virtual representation of our bedroom and can’t quite get it all to work. Expect many tedious updates on our furniture search.

Hey…we bought snorkeling gear yesterday. Whoopie for us. We decided to go ahead and buy gear because by the time we rent it in St John for a week, it’s about the same price. And, as an added bonus, no snorkel funk. Also, the gear will fit. There’s nothing like reaching into a huge drum of bleach solution to fish out gear that someone else’s filth-encrusted mouth has been all over. We’ll be test driving the stuff in the pool over the coming days. Should be a sight to behold.

Hey. Who else is excited that I’m writing boring shit again?

I know I am!

Weird paintings on the wall

Yay it’s a Monday and I’m home.

We had a good weekend here at Casa NoGood. The weather was less-than-wonderful, but we got a lot done.

And…I made it home on time on Friday. I don’t think I’ve ever had a flight leave Newark on time. Usually, on time means “Less than 90 minutes late”. Nope…we were in the air within 15 minutes of the estimated time. And, the people on the plane were only mildly psychotic. Who knew?

But, as mentioned, we were very productive this weekend. We created a coat closet out of a storage cabinet. Now all of our coats are out of boxes and suitcases. Like we’ll ever need them ever again, but you never know. We also cleaned up the storage room, piling crap higher in the air, but opening up some floor space. I was also able to organize the luggage a little bit better.

But, yesterday was the fun day, especially for JewelrySlut. We filled 6 big lawn and leaf bags with clothes that were destined for Goodwill. We like getting rid of stuff. I purged out sweaters, sweatshirts, dress shirts, pants and other crap. I no longer have any under the bed boxes (I used to have 2). I did have to move some stuff to the guest room closet, but it’s only suits and nice dress shirts. Namely things I never need. JewelrySlut got rid of a boatload of clothes. Mostly things she used to wear to work or stuff that just doesn’t fit anymore. Woman’s changing size again. All the stuff we got rid of back in NJ would now fit again. 8 months of working out at the Y has paid off. I gots me an even hotter wife now! Woohoo for me!

We also picked up some paint books because it’s bathroom time for us. We want to paint Shmuppie’s bathroom before the vacation. We need to settle in on some colors. We’re thinking bright. Her shower curtain has yellow, blue, green and orange on it. So, stuff like that. We also need to figure out our bedroom and bathroom.

Our room is the Land of Misfit Furniture. We have 2 pieces from the Guest Room set, 2 old dressers, and these little lamp tables for nightstands. We really need a bedroom set. We can get the 2 pieces into the guest room if we put the dresser for that room in the closet. It will fit but I may need to hang bi-fold doors. But, we have no idea what we may want. We looked at a few websites and reached the following conclusion: We don’t know what we want but will know it when we see it. Should make for fun shopping. We also need colors for the room. We’re leaning towards a muted tropics thing…greens, tans, etc with, as I put it, a Fucking Carnival of color in the bathroom. But, we need furniture. Buying a bedroom set may ruin our marriage. We had an idea to fly to PHL, rent a van, go to Ikea, buy a set and rive it home. But then we remembered that we really hate Ikea furniture. We like to think we like it, but we don’t. This is going to end badly.

Oh, and for fun, someone fucked up the pool last night. I went out to check it this morning and the pump motor was straining. That means the water level is way low. The ground outside the house was also flooded. Great. Seems some people tossed nearly all the furniture in the pool and then directed the in-feed pipe out of the water and on to the deck. Since we need to constantly run the water to keep the level even, it drained a good 8″ out of the pool AND poured hundreds of gallons of water out in to our yards. Good times. I think I know who did it and I am buying a gun.

Did I mention that I’m going away this weekend? Yup…the weary traveler hits the road again. But, this time it will be for fun. I’m flying to BWI to meet my father. We’re catching an Orioles game (on Hispanic night to boot!), staying in the city and then driving to Philly the following day for a Phils game. Should be fun. And, I get to go to PHL again. I mean, can a girl wish for anything else?

Then, it’s 3 weeks until St John. I still have to firm up our plans for a boat excursion, plan menus, but food and pack. But, it’s all good because I get to go to St John again!

That’s it for me. I’m just happy to have a few minutes when I’m not on the phone to get a post up for all you to see.

Oh…other than you, is anyone else a HOAR for purses? JewelrySlut was giving away a purse that I think my mother said was good. It’s a MuMu brand. Anyone heard of it? If so, and if you want it, I will swap it for schwag.

A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies

A lot of people have asked me where I’ve been lately. Really want to know?

Over the last 53 weeks, I’ve taken 19 trips for work and 2 personal trips. That’s 21 trips away from home in just over a year.

I’ve spend 75 nights, I think, in hotels during that time. I’ve stayed in 8 hotels for business and 1 for family vacations. People at the desk of 2 of the hotels know me by name. A waitress at one also knows me by name. 75 nights. That’s almost 11 weeks. That’s just about 3 months. I’ve only lived in NC for 13 months. So, really, I’ve only lived here for 10 months.

The only month in which I did not travel was November of 2005. A good month.

I haven’t gone very far. I’ve only been to New Jersey, New York, Michigan, Pennsylvania and South Carolina in that time.

I’ve flown on 4 airlines and visited 4 airports. I’ve had flights that left the ground at 6:00 AM (American to Newark) and flights that have left the ground at 11:30 PM (Northwest back to Raleigh). I’ve had 38 flights in total. Maybe 10 were on time. I know the screeners at RDU by name and recognize them at EWR and PHL. I recognize some of the flight attendants. That’s scary.

This week, it was 101 degrees in New Jersey. In December, it was 8 degrees in Michigan. It’s snowed on me, rained on me and the sun has shown on me.

I’ve eaten a lot of bad food. I put on 10 lbs. I worked hard to lose them. Did I mention the bad food?

I’ve been to 2 baseball games. Shea Stadium still sucks. Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia is nice. (So nice, in fact that I’ll be there next Sunday).

I’ve racked up a bunch of points and miles. I earned over 53,000 Hilton Points. I have a little over 37,000 in the bank because I gave some away to my Father-in-law and his Fiance. Fiance? What? Oh yea…we have a wedding to go to in October…that means another trip. Marriott put over 4,000 points into my Delta account. That’s a dollar for dollar match. It’s hard to tell exactly how many points I’ve piled up in total for Delta. I have a lot of “revenue streams” for them. Using my Amex earns me points. So, I use it for everything but airfare. Staying in a Hilton chain hotel earns me Delta points. Renting from Hertz earns me points. As of today, I have 146,000+ points. But, we dipped into them in October of last year to “buy” the St John tickets. That set us back 60,000 points. We think we had about 90,000 in the bank after October. So, I’ve piled on 56,000 since then.

I plan to do intensive hotel reviews of the 9 hotels I’ve stayed at. I can’t say I really loved any of them, but I can say that I hated one of them. Really hated.

How’s it all been? Well, I’ve learned a LOT about work and my priorities. I’m tired. Like, really tired and I look it. I’d do it all again because I had to. But, if I had a choice between doing it and not doing it, I’d choose to not do it. (But I’m not talking about what decisions I may or may not have made regarding my career situation just yet). I wouldn’t say it’s been hard on the family, but it hasn’t been easy either. Shmuppie was upset when I left last Monday. That hurts. JewelrySlut has been a trooper; dealing with Shmuppie and with my late night calls or half-asleep babblings whenever I’m home.

All you folks need to know is that I’m home now and plan to get back in the D-Land saddle.