There’s no one to deceive, it’s just all make believe

What a glamorous life it is:

Wednesday: Courtyard by Marriott, Mahwah, NJ

Thursday through Saturday: Home, Raleigh, NC

Sunday through Tuesday: Courtyard by Marriott, Mahwah, NJ

Wednesday: Disney’s Pop Century Resort, Lake Buena Vista, FL

Thursday and Friday: Best Western, Crystal River, FL

Saturday and Sunday: The soon-to-be stepmother-in-law’s house, Crystal River, FL

Monday: Home, Raleigh, NC

That’s 15 nights. It’s at least 6 different beds. It’s also a lot of packing and unpacking.

Oh yea. It’s a glamorous life. But, do I complain? Only a little.

I have a meeting in NJ next Wednesday at 10:00. I’m booking out of it at 11:45 to get to EWR to get on a flight to MCO (Orlando for the uninitiated) so I can meet the ladies down there. I’m actually quite excited about our day at Disney. I’ll be wiped out as all getout, but it will be a lot of fun.

Ever try drinking from a fire hose? No? You should try it. I’ve been doing it for going on 2 weeks now. Work is going to be quite a challenge. But, again, I can’t complain because the opportunity is HUGE for me at RedCompany. We have a lot of work to do, but I keep telling people that I’ve really learned to take it one step at a time. There’s really no other way to go about such a monumental job. Taking over all the print spend for a Fortune 100 company will make your head spin. But, we’re up to it.

I’d love to chat, but I need to go to bed now. I’ve had more than enough to eat and drink.

Pray for me tomorrow. I’d REALLY like to have my flight leave on time. I’d like to get home on time and hug and kiss Shmuppie and do adult things to JewelrySlut.

Wish me luck

Now in my line of work I seem to see a lot more than most

Ever want to know who I am (or at least how people perceive me when I’m wearing pants and not telling poop jokes)?

NoGoodDaddy Bio

As a RedCompany Transactional Communication Services Document Advisor, NoGoodDaddy draws upon 15 years of experience in print and mail customer service, sales, project and production management.

Having started his career running equipment in a family-owned print shop, NoGoodDaddy has managed print-related production processes, projects and product lines in a variety of environments including digital and commercial printing, labels, forms, envelopes and advertising specialties. While working in these environments, NoGoodDaddy successfully streamlined production processes, grew sales and launched successful and profitable product lines. These product lines NoGoodDaddy has managed have shown up to 300% growth while reducing costs and production lead times by as much as 25%.

In the RedCompanyTransactional Communication Services Document Advisor role, NoGoodDaddy will leverage his experience delivering print-related projects of all sizes and varieties on or ahead of schedule and under budget to transform and streamline post-sale communications and improve the efficacy and performance of client-facing communications and document-related services.

That’s some right fancy writin’, ain’t it?

fuck

I’m too tired for a quote

I’m alive.

I’m sleep deprived but alive.

I’ve forgotten what it is like to “live wiht” salespsople.

I’ve forgotten the taste of corporate Kool-aid

Someone come rescue me please.

I already am deep in the shit. Can you belive that I may make JewelrySlut drive Shmuppie…solo…to FLA and join them there because I need to be in NJ because, apparently, I am someone of great knowledge.

Trust me…you all know me. A half-billion dollar deal somewhat hinges on what I know.

I am so fucked.

Makes me want to go back again

I doubt you’ll miss me, but I must be going now for a while. Maybe not, but I’ll play it safe anyway.

I’m off to NJ tonight for a week’s worth of fun-filled training. Since I no longer work for HealthCareRelatedCompany, chances are good my laptop won’t allow me on the interweb anymore. RedCompany has my computer on order but it’s not here yet. I don’t know if the hotel’s business center will allow me to write up pathetic updates on its computer. I may be going dark for the week.

This is bad, not because I need to keep updated on you losers, but because I need to keep up to date on my fantasy football teams. Nothing sucks more than flying on a Sunday during football season. Well, a rectal exam might, but I’m not 100% sure.

The new job should be fun. After this week, I think I’ll end up having 2 laptops; one from HealthCareRelatedCompany and one from RedCompany. How on Earth I’ll keep track of them is about 16790% beyond me. HealthCareRelatedCompany won’t allow anyone access to shared drives unless it’s their own computer. I guess that makes some sense. I need the access because our IT people suck ass and can’t figure out how to allow my old customer base to FTP files to RedCompany. So, I’ll be grabbing files on one computer, sending them across the desk to another one, doing my file prep and then sending them somewhere. I don’t know. I’m dizzy just thinking about it. But, because my “replacements” have utterly destroyed my product line, HealthCareRelatedCompany has demanded that I be up and running as soon as possible in order to stop the bleeding.

It’s wonderful. The other day as I signed off of our daily production call for the last time, RedHead announced that she was very sad to see me go and what a huge loss it was for HealthCareRelatedCompany. I found this interesting because she fired me. But, that’s a detail. I also find it interesting that HealthCareRelatedCompany is willing to pay my salary from RedCompany (plus a markup I’m sure), no questions asked. I’ll also add that they’re probably now paying at least $30K more per year to have me to exactly the same job that I did last week. And you wonder why your prescriptions cost so much. (You all figured out a ways back where I worked, right?) Well folks, I may have just driven them up a little bit more. Buy generic!

I need to go tweak my lineups for today’s games and then maybe tweak my nipples.

Let me tell you ’bout my neighborhood

I made some template modifications. Nothing major. I had new pictures to choose from, so I shuffled things up a bit.

There’s not a whole hell of a lot going on here lately. I had a Board Meeting the other night for my kingdom and it was interesting.

As I arrived, I could see The Rev (A retired…reverend). He was wandering around the building kinda aimlessly. I got out of the car and yelled that the door is on the side. He perked up for a second and then ambled over, as if to corner me again. Remember, he and I (but mostly he) once exchanged words in my backyard. That exchange ended with me politely asking him to go away and to come back when he felt he could talk to me in a calmer tone of voice because I was not going to permit him to stand in my yard and curse at me. He told me that he’d had back surgery earlier in the spring and had, since then, been doped out of his mind. He’s on Oxy and several other fun drugs. He realized that when he came over, he was looped out of his mind and probably should have been at home. In fact, at an informal meeting we held for the neighborhood back in August, he had snapped at both Crazy Anne and JewelrySlut because he was again looped out of his mind. His wife had been at that meeting and when they got home she told him that he was an asshole and needed to resign from the board. Good times. So, he apologized to me and the rest of the board and asked for a leave of absence. We happily allowed it and went about our business. At least we now have a few months during which we don’t have to worry about booting him from the board.

The end result of the rest of the meeting is that we agreed to spend $15K on tree cutting and additional drainage repair. All we do is spend money and people are going to really hate me for it. But, I have no choice. For about 15 years, the boards did NOTHING but meet and hang out. So, I get to be the guy who taps into the reserve account, raises dues and bangs everyone for a special assessment. And we haven’t even started discussing the clubhouse yet. Oh joy. I do this why?

So I can clarify, here’s my board:
Me: El Jefe
The Rev (on hiatus): VP
Crazy Pam: Treasurer and bigot. She likes to tow the cars of her black neighbors
Nathalie the Slob: Secretary. Our next-door neighbor. She likes to get mad when she gets confused. Multi-syllabic words confuse her. She’s also a teacher. Go Public Schools!
Crazy Anne: Our neighbor who never shuts up. I put her in charge of landscaping projects because she was annoying the shit out of me
Kelly: Lummox of a woman who’s been on the board for 14 years. She could be helpful, but is a stick in the mud.
Deborah: Doesn’t do anything but complain that we’re not doing anything.

We’re a fun bunch.

The trip to FLA next month is all booked now. We have reservations for a 1-night stay at Disney’s Pop Century. This is either going to be very good or downright horrible. Either way, it will make for good writing.

Work, as you can imagine, is slow. I’m trying to do as little as possible. It’s fun though. I took my little operation and built it into something of relative importance in 3 years. I have been a valuable production resource for people who need shit mailed in a hurry. Well, it took barely 3 weeks to destroy all of it. The whole operation has gone into the tank. I’m thrilled. Fortunately, my new job will be to resurrect it and return it to respectability. But first, I get to go to a week’s worth of training in NJ! I can’t wait to get back. To make it better, we’re not getting rental cars. So, I’ll be trapped in the Mahwah Sheraton all week. Anyone feel like stopping by to rescue me? Please???

But, I really think the new job will work out well. I finally think I’ll be at a company where I will be able to move up the ladder and advance my career. 3 years ago, I thought HealthCareRelatedCompany may have afforded me that opportunity. However, by 10:00 on my first day I found myself considering calling my old boss and begging for my job back. But, this should be good. I’m already throwing around some knowledge and hope it will be noticed down the line. We shall see.

But, otherwise, life is dull. JewelrySlut has a cold and Shmuppie has been misbehaving. The weather has been lousy all week but should be warming up tomorrow. Maybe we’ll do something fun on Saturday. I don’t know what though. Maybe a trip to the lake to let Shmuppie play in the sand. JewelrySlut and I could use some time baking in the sun.

Bye now.