There’s still something missing

There ain’t no NoGoodDaddy like a pissed off NoGoodDaddy, ’cause a pissed off NoGoodDaddy don’t stop.

Why am I pissed off and blessing you folks with an update so soon after the last?

Let me tell you about my week (Specifically the latter half)

Wake up at 5:00AM
Go to RDU
Fly to EWR. It’s dark and rainy
Rent a car from National. End up with a crappy car because, apparently on Wednesdays, they don’t have any real cars on the lot.
Come to HealthCareRelatedCompany to work.
Instantly remember why I hate being here
* I can’t get a stable network connection
* The people I work with are insufferable asswipes
* I’m not at home
* I hate the people here
* I hate NJ
Spend the day arguing with people, both in the office and within HealthCareRelatedCompany about how to process work. Needless to say, it does not go well. I remain pissy and frustrated all day.
Talk with crew in PA and deal with them being pissy that I’m not there working on the projects at their site.

However, I did sleep well last night. I was asleep by 10 and only woke up every 2 hours all night. Usually, it’s more like every hour.

Come back to office
Get thrown off the network 6 times in an hour
Learn that the meeting I came all the way here to attend has been cancelled. And, to make this fun, it’s been rescheduled for the week of New Year’s (A week when I have NO intentions of leaving home. Unless, of course, Rutgers beats WVa this weekend and I find myself sleeping in a gutter in New Orleans at the Sugar Bowl.)
Continue to fight with the people here as well as the people from HealthCareRelatedCompany over procedures and workflows.
Take calls from PA. They know how pissy I am and are doing all they can to make me crazy

It’s good times.

So, it’s now several hours later and I’m not in a much better mood. I happen to thank Judd for my latest pissitude. Again…on location = no links. You all know who he is.

Anyhoo…this is my 10th week out of the past 11 where I’m not home. And why? Well…because. I guess. It’s what I do, or so it seems I do. In fact, I have no idea what it is that I do. Here in NJ, they call me the Stuff Getter Done-er. That’s what I do: I get shit done. But, to what fucking end? I did not sign up for this job to be on the road 100%. I was supposed to travel like once a month and spend the rest of the time at the home office.

Shmuppie got her “black band” today. And I missed it. What’s that mean? Well, my 4 1/2 year old pile of piss and vinegar is allowed to swim wherever the fuck she wants at the Y pool. No floatation help, no mommy or daddy watching her. Just swimming. The kid had to swim a lap of the pool using her “rowing arms” and “kicking feet” and putting her face in the water. Then, she had to tread water for 30 seconds. I’d bet a few of you fuckos can’t even do that. And, the best part…I didn’t know she could swim! Last I saw, some time back in August, she was pretending to not know how to swim because my mother had convinced her that she couldn’t. The kid can swim. And I fucking missed all of it.

I’m not happy. My boss is back in town next week (he’s on vacation this week) and he and I are going to talk. This is too much.

Know what else makes me unhappy? Not being able to write this thing. I have put in like 4 miserable entries over the past 2 months. I’m 100% unhappy about this. I used to enjoy writing here and actually thought I sometimes, not very often-like, made sense. Now, I sit on the shitter and stress about not being able to write. Yes, folks, I think about you while I shit. When do I write then? At night back at the hotel? All I want to do is sleep? On the weekend? Pshaw. All I want to do is hang with my girls. I want to take Shmuppie to the tennis courts to go play chase the tennis ball. I want to ball JewelrySlut. I’m home for like 3 full days, and spending any time at all here does not fit the plan.

Ugh. Now I’m whining. I need to get out of the office and go shopping or something. HealthCareRelatedCompany, for some unknown reason, mailed me a check for like $2300 yesterday. So, I have some money to burn on Christmas shopping. I’m praying to get an earlier flight tomorrow. There’s an 8:20 that’s looking awfully good right now. There are still a lot of empty seats on it and I’d like to get on it. Then, I’ll get home in the morning, say the flight was delayed, and not work at all. Fuck’em all.

Miss you so badly…

Been away for a while.

May be away for a while more.

I’m suffering from the “ion’s”

As in Exhaust
And it’s cousin Confus

It’s been ugly. I’m in NJ for a few days and again next week and maybe the next week. Then, I proclaimed that I was done with the travel for the year. Go ahead and fire me. I no longer really care. It’s gotten to be way too much.

But, Thanksgiving was good. Quiet, and JewelrySlut was sick with the shits, and the dishwasher broke, but otherwise quiet. It was nice to be home for 12 straight nights.

And, in the Kingdom, cat poop lady is utterly insane. She’s now apparently calling the newspaper to do a story on us and our tyranny or something. I actually have to schedule and preside over a grievance hearing next month. Life is good.

There’s a lot I could say, but I’m too tired. Maybe when I’m home this weekend, I’ll post a picture of the cranberry sauce we made for Thanksgiving.

We used the dick-shaped cake pan as a mold.

Yup…it was as bad as you’d imagine.

Later, dudes. I’m just too damn tired.

Wants to win that football pool

There’s a lot of stuff we could talk about today.

Like: My trip through the Suckadelphia Airport, my week at work, why Shmuppie makes me have high blood pressure, what I want for Christmas, the smell of my poop.

But, no. At a little after 11:00 last night, the topic of this entry changed.

Wanna Know why?









That’s right, baby.

Cheer along with me:

RU Rah Rah
RU Rah Rah
Hoo Rah
Hoo Rah
Rutgers Rah
Red Team
Red Team
Rutgers Rah!





Holy Shit

I can not properly convey what the win last night means. The win for Rutgers will likely go down in the annals of NJ sports as one of the greatest moments ever. Now, I wholly understand that we are talking about NJ sports here, but you have to understand just how huge this was.

Rutgers has an illustrious history of sucking. Their football team has always sucked. They won the first college football game ever against Princeton and promptly sucked every week since then.

Until this season.

Holy shit.

I got home just as they went down 15-7. We watched a little bit, but Louisville promptly scored again. So, I turned the game off. Naturally, I was the jinx. We watched a taped episode of Studio 60. I peeked back in and they were losing again. We watched the Office. Finally, I put the game back on and they were about to start the drive for the winning field goal. When they missed the first crack at it, people all over NJ and the world all thought the same thing “Same old Rutgers”. Then, Louisville played along and jumped offsides.

Kick is up. And it’s goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!!

I was no the phone with my father. We’re making plans to go see them play in a bowl game somewhere. If they manage not to fuck up too bad and only lose to WVa, we’re looking at spending New Year’s in Jacksonville at the Gator Bowl. Should they manage to somehow finish undefeated, it’s BCS time for Rutgers Nation. I can think of crappy places to spend New Year’s, but a choice among Miami, Phoenix, Pasadena or New Orleans does not qualify for that list. If they manage to play in a BCS game, I may have a heart attack. Then again, I think that would be a sign of the apocalypse. So, should Rutgers beat WVa on December 2, please be prepared for the world as we know it to end. I don’t know if existence will simply blink out or if the world will cleave in 2, but, mark my words, it’s over for us all.

And I could not be happier.

Let’s put it in perspective. Right now, Rutgers sits at 9-0. In 1992, my freshman year, they went 7-4. In the next 3 years, they won a total of 13 more games. So, that’s 20 wins in 4 seasons. That’s not good. They will get over half that many this season alone. Heck, if you graduated in 2003, you saw 7 wins in 4 years. That’s really bad.

I mean, Rutgers football has always been epically bad. Like Cubs bad. But worse. But, now they’re coming to life. Many people, myself included, always said that they just needed to keep the kids from NJ on the team. If they could do that, they could win and fill the stadium.

Speaking of which…bleachers in the open end zone! Shit! I was there when they closed the old stadium. I jumped on the wooden bleachers and brought a big plank back to my dorm room. They beat WVa 13-9 on November 14, 1992. I was there when the new stadium opened and nobody cared. The first time Miami came to town, we sat there in an empty stadium in the pouring rain. We once sat there and had “Whose ice cube will melt first” races. Now, the place is a sea of red and they put seats in the open end zone.

I’m not making any sense because it is impossible for me to do so. I can’t explain whet this feels like. I’m babbling and I’m OK with that.

Rutgers beat Louisville last night. I’m spending New Year’s in a warm climate…at a bowl game.

For now, life is good.

That’s Why

And the eighth deadly sin is

Know what I did this morning?

Other than get irrationally pissed off while dealing with US Air, the dude next to me on the plane who had no concept of the whole “The armrest is there to keep your smelly self off of me” and the Suckadelphia Airport…

I came up with the name for my book. Now, I have no plans to write a book, but I have a title for it. Wanna hear what it is? Well, we all know that’s impossible. I’d have to post my cell number and then tell you because I don’t have one of those things where I can make sounds that I want come out of your computer…

But that would be cool because I totally would make Andria’s (sorry…no links because I don’t have my cheat sheet on the laptop) computer yell HOAR all the time.

Like nobody saw that coming.

Anyhoo…the book title

Orange Juice; No Ice.

That’s the name of my book.

It’s awesome.

At least I think so. You don’t have to, at least not until the book comes out and then you all will have to buy it. But, it will probably be about a balding man who spends too much time on cramped airplanes and in dirty rental cars. It will be a hoot…just like this thing over the past 2 months.

I’m really sorry. Not as sorry as I am for one of my fantasy football teams. It may be the worst team ever assembled. It’s that bad. But, I haven’t been in the spirit lately. Too tired and road weary.

So, back in PA this week. Doing what, I’m not sure. But, it’s starting to smell like I may be pulled onto 2 projects at once. That does not please me. The mess up in NJ is mess enough. I don’t need to be here again. But they seem to think I can help things. They’re quite foolish if you ask me.

I think I’d like to stay home for a while and not have to work. Because Friday was not fun. I was happy to be home and all, but it was not a fun day. The people I work with are monkeys and should not be trusted with computers or brains. M is still a colossal retard and has yet to learn how to compose an email. And L still needs a serious boning to lighten her the fuck up. Anyone want $20? I’ll pay whoever is willing to fuck her. She’s short, skinny, has a big mole on her face, smokes and likely will complain the whole time. There’s got to be someone out there who needs $20. Anyone? I beg.

Then again, I’d like to be home but not have to deal with certain home things while I’m there. Like Shmuppie. She had her first (and only thank God) beating at 8:15 on Friday morning. The kid just does not get it. And, what she likes to do when I get irritated with her is run to JewelrySlut, hug her legs, and announce “I love you, Mommy”. Way wrong answer, kid. WHAP! This all started because she decided that rather than eat breakfast, she’s sit on the crapper and play with herself and the toilet paper roll. So, she got a red ass and still had to eat her French toast. Not a good deal for her if you ask me.

Then, to make life even more fun, we had carpeting put in upstairs on Friday. The plan was thus: they’d come Saturday and put in the carpet. Well, that became Friday. That was fine with me because I didn’t want to waste a weekend day on carpet installation when we could instead go to the Farmer’s Market and buy spinach and goat cheese. So, since this carper was coming from my parent’s estate, the Pepes (not the same Pepes who moved us out of NJ, into the NC house, put in the basement carpet, did the laminate floors, or did any other house repair work, but related nonetheless) would come by in the AM to measure again at our house. This way, when they pulled the carpet out, they’d cut it at the other house and be able to come over and get to work.

Well, they never showed up (shockingly) and went straight to the other house. Then, they called to say they weren’t coming to our house at all. Then, I got pissed and called the sales guy. He called back to wonder aloud why I was upset. After telling him that it was irrelevant why I was upset and that we had a problem, he said the Pepes would arrive at 3:00. Well, arrive they did.

In the end, we got carpeting, but what a fuck this all was. Since they didn’t measure, they proceeded to spread all the carpet from my parent’s house in the parking lot outside out house. Imagine if you will how that looked. Also, remember that I have lunatic neighbors.

Then, they pulled out all our carpet.

Then, after consulting with Miguel (and, yes, this is the same Miguel who lives in all Nextels worn by Pepes, whether the job be moving or flooring) they kinda told us the carpet wouldn’t “work”. Something about the direction of the rolls and how it had been laid and the size of the rooms. All I knew is that it wasn’t looking good. In fact, it was looking like our room was going to resemble a carpeting quilt. I tried to call my mother, the alleged mastermind of this, and couldn’t reach her. So, I bothered my father. He couldn’t do a thing about this, but since he thinks this whole thing of them having a house they never intend to live in is so fucking ridiculous, I figured I’d pass along some of my stress. Finally, Pepe #1 was able to get across that the only problem would be that Shmuppie’s room would run the other way than the other rooms. It’s plain carpet so you can’t tell. They got to work and made a hell of a racket. At one point, I had to take a big mirror off of a wall because I was told “When we put in carpet, things go Boom”. I was happy to learn that.

But now we have new carpet and it’s not all stained and worn out. It’s quite nice. And, we got to go to the Farmer’s Market and buy spinach and goat cheese. We had a harrowing ride back during which we hit every red light in Raleigh and I managed to get in s screaming match with an asshole from Georgia who didn’t like how I yielded to him. That ended with me hocking a loogie on his car. Mature? I think so. JewelrySlut was none too happy at me after that. It got worse when I wanted to go to Best Buy. I nearly melted down in front of the portable hard drives. So, we went next door to Total Wine and bought $144 worth of wine. We also did some serious sampling and got a nice lunchtime buzz going. Good Times!

So, all was well. I also got to go buy a new jacket this weekend. Sometimes I try to dress like an adult. And, it was time for a new Fall/Spring jacket/coat. It was that or wear a zip up sweatshirt all week. I ended up with a nice black jacket from Old Navy. Like I said, I try, on occasion, to look like an adult. Even if I am prone to yelling and spitting at people. It happens. What can I say? The guy from GA was an asshole and I’m a little stressed out lately.

But, here I am again at the Residence Inn in North Wales, PA. And, boy am I happy to be here.

I was about to go and then I just depressed myself. I had a flatbread pizza for dinner from Pizzeria Uno or whatever they’re called and it has nearly 700 calories in it.

Oh crap. That’s a lot I think

A huge hunk of meat

I thought you all would like to know this: My new deodorant may smell like meat. I don’t think that’s good.

Oh, and the poisin ivy on my legs causes my pants to stick to me. So, I have to rip my pants off of my legs every few hours.

Hey Hon! I’m coming home tomorrow night! Up for some oozing sex?