This is NOT CNN

NoGoodDaddy Enterprises would like to take a moment to apologize to all of you.

In my last post, it’s possible that NoGoodDaddy offended many of you. Not as white people, nappy-headed people, or sensitive people. NoGoodDaddy is sorry if he offended you as literate people. Talk about some shit-ass writing.

This concludes our apology.

Opie and Anthony once said (and I paraphrase) “You don’t go to CNN for the sick jokes and you don’t come here for the news.”
Perhaps I should stick to talking about poop. It’s best.

But I can’t.

Good job MSNBC. You fucking douchebags. Mark my words. Imus isn’t coming back to the airwaves. He’s not going to put up with it. After the telethon today and tomorrow, he’s done. He’ll hang up his cans and go to the ranch to help sick kids. Good job, folks. You ruined the career of one of the most distinguished broadcasters of any era.

And…
Wow. Nobody saw This coming, did they? If you live in the Triangle and are white, odds are good you thought the whole Duke case was bullshit from the start. If you’re black, odds are good you thought the opposite. Or, if you’re
This idiot columnist (although, his photo shows him sporting a pimp-hat) says the case was dropped, in part, because the Dookies are white and rich. Yea…it’s a rich thing. The overwhelming lack of evidence had NOTHING to do with it.

Ugh.

Can I get back to our regularly scheduled programming?

Please?

Shmuppie has been out of control lately. She’s been behaving like a retarded spider monkey. She doesn’t listen to anything we say.

For example:
7:00 this morning, my alarm went off. We heard her open her door at roughly the same time and go into the bathroom. She did something and then went back to her room and began winding up her “Under the Sea” music box. OK. We stayed in bed for a few minutes. She arrived in our room.

Shmuppie: I brushed my teeth but couldn’t wash my face because I can’t reach the washcloth
Me: (getting out of bed, bleary-eyed and still mostly asleep) OK…wait a minute until I get out of the bathroom and I’ll help you
JewelrySlut: (to Shmuppie) Did you go potty?
Shmuppie: Antelope, baseball, telephone grape jelly maybe
?
JewelrySlut: D…I…D you go potty
Shmuppie: thumbtack, ruler, construction paper (she didn’t really say these things, but I swear that’s how it sounded. All I know is that it was not a “yes/no” answer to the question)
Me: Holy SHIT! Are you listening to anything we’re saying? DID YOU GO POTTY?
Shmuppie: No
Both of us: GO!

Ugh…

This is opposed to last night right before dinner:

I’m making something and JewelrySlut is also in the kitchen. Shmuppie is out in the dining room riding her big stuffed alligator. Suddenly, she yells something and runs through the kitchen into the living room.
JewelrySlut: What’s going on?
Shmuppie: There’s a bug and I need to smash it.
She comes back through the kitchen toting one of the couch’s throw pillows.
JewelrySlut: What are you doing? You can’t kill a bug with a pillow? What are you thinking?!

Or this morning: This one is for Smed
I come upstairs as they’re getting ready to go to school. Shmuppie is now stabbing said alligator with a plastic Popsicle stick (Know the Tupperware Popsicle molds that you can fill with juice? Their sticks look like little swords)
Me: What are you doing?
Shmuppie: Stabbing my alligator with a sword (DUH)
Me: But I thought he was your friend
Shmuppie: Too Soon?

Yea…it’s been that type of week.

My schedule is getting odd again.
I leave for Boston on Saturday. I get home (hopefully) on Tuesday night.
Then, the following Monday, I go to NJ for 4 days.
I come home for the weekend and then go back to NJ for 3 days.
Huzzah!

Work is odd. We had a great staff meeting yesterday. And, I mean great, by “We got into a huge fight and I was yelling into my phone”. With us all going to Boston in 2 shifts next week for training, we’re working on a backup schedule. L, someone in the office, basically refuses to help out. She’s kinda got a new job lately and is working on different things. So, she refuses to be a part of our group. She and H were going at it until I finally had to yell “We get it. You don’t consider yourself a part of the group. Fine. We won’t ask you for help anymore. The horse is dead. Stop kicking it.”

Boston’s going to be fun. I have to write a presentation deck today. It’s not fun because we’re also supposed to use our newly-learned PowerPoint skills. They want us to keep each slide to 6 words or less. That’s not easy. Especially when the program you’re presenting is 4 words long. That leaves you 2 to make a point. I got one slide down to 17. We also have to bring along a jacket, dress shirt and tie on the trip. We’re having glam shots taken apparently. I’m thisclose to going up there in the goatee but shaving it down to porno mustache in time for the photos. That may be sweet. The whole trip is going to suck. They’re expecting horrible weather up there and I smell flight delays already.

That’s really it for now. I need to think about paying attention to the conference call that’s going on in my left ear.

Leave now. It’s best that way

Hmmm…do I weigh in on the Don Imus thing or not? As someone who listened to him nearly every day from 1990 – 2006, I feel somewhat compelled to do so. That’s right. The I-Man was my morning show from high school. I stopped listening lately because his wife is a twat. Not a nappy-headed twat, just a twat.

Did he say a bad thing? Yes. Is he a bad guy? No. He’s an old cranky son of a botch who’s made a career of making fun of EVERYONE. Nothing is safe or sacred on that show. Yet, he’s managed to get everyone who wants to be elected to anything on his show. The ratings may not be the highest, but the annual income per listener likely is near the top. He’s got a market and a demographic and he plays to it. But, lately, I felt the show was too agenda-driven. His Twat wife is all gung ho on organic food and cleaning products and shit like that. Those are all good things if you married a ridiculously rich dude and can afford to pay for all those Green things. Me, I’ll stick to my normal cleaners with evil chemicals in them. That’s why we tell Shmuppie not to eat the Comet; it’s bad for you.

I think the suspension is laughable. If it was warranted, why didn’t it start immediately? Oh yea…I know why. The telethon is this Thursday and Friday. The telethon which built a hospital in Hackensack NJ that treats kids. The telethon that built the ranch out in New Mexico where terminally ill kids get to go ride horses and live it up before they die. The telethon that’s probably going to pull in $10 million in 24 hours. If the act was so bad, suspend him now.
Since it really wasn’t (considering the overall context of the show), the suspension doesn’t start until next week. That’s a joke.

And Reverend Al: shut the fuck up. And to Jamele Hill…shut the fuck up (and you’re not even getting a link because you suck worse than anything that has ever dared to suck). You don’t get to react like you did to a situation you don’t know anything about. Hell, both of those morons have said and done worse. Every time Jamele Hill writes ANYTHING that ESPN publishes, she commits a crime against humanity. Can I go on the air and demand that she be fired? Please?

I always knew when the time came, Imus would just stop being on the air. No fanfare; he just wouldn’t show up tomorrow (not in an 80′s way because he was drunk though). I wonder if this is it. Will he be back in 2 weeks? If he hangs it up, it’s going to be his decision. Will everyone be happy then? It’s just truly amazing that someone is always watching you and clamoring to get on TV to talk about something they perceive that you did. I knew there was a reason I don’t watch the news. Maybe all my bashing of the NO is just mean. They may be stupit, but at least they’re honest about it. Nah…I take that back. They’re running a headline article, above the fold, today about goose shit. I get to abuse them if I want. It’s my right as a Yankee Snob living here in the Triangle.

Oomph…off the horse now.

Read this post from Off the Broiler. It nearly made JewelrySlut cry. Hell, I’ll admit that I wept over it. Wanna know what we miss about NJ? You can’t find that stuff down here. That’s what we miss.

We’re planning out our trip to NJ next month. I have to book the airfare, but accommodations vex us. We want to go into the City on Saturday after the stuff at school and before the party (it’s in the City). We have a restaurant we’d like to hit and JewelrySlut needs a hotdog fix. Not any hotdog though. It needs to be bought on the street from a filthy Egyptian. That’s how she likes it. So, we got to thinking; won’t we want/need someplace to wash the City funk off us before the party? Do we want to run around Manhattan all day in our nice steppin’ out clothes? As a result, I’m hatching a scheme to get us a place to stay for the night…hopefully for free. I’m working a back channel and hope it works. Then, we’d have a home base and would have a chance to get our nasty on in the City. (And, yes…it’s always the City. And there’s only one City. All others suck by comparison. It’s a fact).

Of course, we’re discussing things like “If we go in on the PATH, where do we get off?” Christopher Street may not be the most convenient but I’m not sure I want to go to the new station at the WTC site. I’ve walked past the site while on the way to my old company’s offices. I don’t know I need to see it again. JewelrySlut doesn’t even think she wants to see it ever. Dammit…I’ve gone and gotten myself all sad again. Shit.

Well, that was a mess and a half if you ask me.

I’ll go back to work now and see if I can make up a presentation deck for my training class next week. I’m trying to piss off the trainers as much as I can. Because, who are they to decide that the Healthcare policy of this country should be income-driven?

Oh shit…I’m starting again.

Yea? Let’s see how you handle 2 feet of sausage.

I’m an almost introspective NoGoodDaddy today.

The weekend was long and somewhat tiring. Dinner with my mother 2 nights in a row will do that to a man.

But…I think my brother’s all growed up. Or, if nothing else, he’s been that way for a while, but I have a hard time not seeing him as my kid brother who I used to beat with a sock weapon (a tube sock stuffed with other socks and then wrapped in duct tape).

It’s funny. He’s almost 5 1/2 years younger than me. So, growing up, we didn’t have a whole lot in common. We were at very different places in our lives. And, we were raised my 2 totally different sets of parents. Part of me thinks they used me as the test subject before they went to market with him. We could not have had different adolescences if we’d tried. I played sports (well…I swam competitively), he was a band geek. He played guitar, I bet on football games. I had one girlfriend in high school; he got more ass than a toilet seat. The list goes on and on.

Even now, I think we have 2 things in common:
Last Name
A disdain for our mother

Things we don’t have in common:
Everything else.

I’m almost 33 and have been married for going on 11 years. I’m a father and own a house. I drive a sensible sedan and am going bald. I also have a liking for Hawaiian shirts. I work out to keep my knees from bursting into flames. I care little for my personal appearance.

He’s 27, is divorced, has a girlfriend who’s a month older than me, and drives a cool SUV. He goes to the gym to become huge. He grooms himself. Now, don’t let me make it look like he’s superficial. I mean, he kinda does important things. He can’t say what they are, but they’re important. I have to figure that there are people in a far away land who are dead because of the things he knows and does. More alarmingly, there are probably people both in a far away land and here at home who are alive because of the things he knows and has done. It’s kinda strange to think. I mean, he once nearly threw a nectarine at George Tenet.

What have I done in my career? Well, I once redesigned the order form/packing list for bn.com so it would run better through their laser equipment. Go ahead…order something from them. The labels at the bottom of the sheet; that was me. Especially if the labels seem to have tiny little tabs that you almost have to rip to get the label off the sheet. That really was my idea. 2 weeks ago, I put together a study of the impact that the new USPS rates for 1st class Flats would have on HealthCareRelatedCompany’s print and mail budget.

Like I said, we’re very different. And, he’s all growed up. This was apparent when he told us how he went to class to learn how to subdue and interrogate prisoners. It really hit home when he put me in a hold end nearly broke my arm in 47 places. Do I have to see him as an adult? My parents tell me all the time that I never give him enough credit. I don’t. He’s still 12 to me. We haven’t lived under the same roof since September of 1992 for God’s sake. He’s stuck where he was when I left the house.

But, we had a good time this weekend. Friday night, we all went out to a Brazilian steakhouse (a far reach from the old Good Friday traditions of church and fish). The pace of the “meat runners” was slow and the group petered out before JewelrySlut and I even got warmed up. The parents went home and my brother and his woman came back to our place for drinks and negotiations. Negotiations? Yes, we held talks on the holidays. He agreed to take them for Thanksgiving if we would agree to watch the dogs. Holy No Brainer, Batman. That was easy. We also agreed to extend talks for the Christmas Settlement. We also all agreed that our mother is insane. We all agreed to continue to wonder why they moved to NC and why they continue to be married (the they, of course, is our parents).

Saturday was OK. We were at the estate for dinner. It was OK, and we had a good time swapping tales of mayhem from the days when my brother and I ran machines on the floor of our father’s factory. Those were good times. The 2 of us may write a book about our stories. There are too many and they’re not really funny to an outsider, but we had a good time. We also agreed, after putting the kid and parents to bed, that they can come down to NC more often and perhaps that JewelrySlut and I should go to DC to hang with them.

Ok…introspectivicity done.

I mean, I know the video quality is for shit, but the scene where Charla puked on The Amazing Race may have been the best thing ever.

‘Dis and ‘dat

2 observations for today:

Last night, we’re sitting out on the deck eating. I had grilled up some turkey burgers and we’d managed to convince Shmuppie to eat one. At one point, I was told that I was “The world’s best griller”

Later in the meal, we’d reached the “Stop talking and eat” phase.

Me: Are you even going to eat your burger?

Shmuppie: It’s delicious but I’m just looking at it.

Me and JewelrySlut: (Wha?)

Shmuppie: I know that makes no sense.

JewelrySlut: Exactly what I was thinking kiddo.

Moving on…and I’m talking to you here because I know you watched. Don’t hide it because we also watched. Oh yes, I’m talking about I Love New York. I thought the first Flavor of Love was the epitome of TV. Nope. VH1, you mistress of bad Television, I fall at your feet yet again.

I loved it.

I may have more to say…who wants to read?

My brother and his woman are coming to town tomorrow for the weekend. We’re going out to dinner on Friday at a Brazilian steakhouse. Yes…we’re not really Catholic anymore, are we? He and I need to go over some discussion topics for the evening. We need to annoy the NoGoodFather as much as possible. It’s just what we do. I should have good tales to tell after this weekend.

That’s really it. I thought I had more to say, but really didn’t.