Can’t wait to see what I get this year.

Well, it’s almost that time of year again. And since I’ll be on the road on Friday, it’s now or never.

Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday
Friday is my birthday

However, I don’t get to spend it on Tortola nor do I get to spend it at home. I’ll be in Bethesda at the wedding.

Oh Bother.

Anyway, JewelrySlut told me last night that on August 17th, we shall have my birthday feast. Naturally, I’m away all of next week, so I don’t feel like feasting and then hopping on a plane the following morning. I’ll have meat poopies that would be able to choke a horse and I’d rather address them at home and not on a commuter jet headed to Newark.

She also told me that she’s selected my cake. She’s buying it and says it needs no editing. She actually can’t believe that it’s a real cake. So, I wanted to take this time to do a little cake retrospective. We’ve seen many of them, but I thought it was tie to re-post some pictures.

Unfortunately, a few have gone missing.
There is no evidence of the cakes from 2000, 2002, 2003, and 2004.
2000 was an ice cream cake decorated with Barbie Dolls. JewelrySlut hadn’t yet hit her stride

2002 was a doozy. I had made a comment that I wanted Gloria Estefan on my cake. She had a picture scanned into one of those edible cake toppers and it read “Love, Gloria”

2003 was somewhat sedate. It was a basic cake. On top of it, JewelrySlut laid a picture of a St. John donkey. They were warning me that they’d be seeing me in a year.

2004 was the big 3-0, but the cake was quite simple. I ate it on St John, so that was awesome

What I have are images of 2001, 2005 and 2006.

Here we go. Enjoy the insanity.


Here we have the cake that broke all records. Yes, folks, it’s the Dale Earnhardt commemorative cake. I still have the car on my desk and Shmuppie often asks why it is broken. I love my wife.


In 2005, we had settled in NC and I got a Carvel cake. JewelrySlut asked them if they would make any cake in the book. She chose a turkey.


For 2006, I got Fudgie the Whale. What beats Fudgie?

Because I can
And, this wasn’t a birthday cake, but it’s a dick cake. who doesn’t love dick?

It’s been this kind of day

We were starting to wake up, but still asleep at about 7:30 this morning. Lately, I’ve been sleeping late when I’m home and rolling right to work, coffee in hand. Well, at about 7:30 this morning, I could sense heavy breathing in the room. Since it wasn’t JewelrySlut, it meant one thing: Shmuppie was in the room.

I popped my eyes open and looked at her…standing next to JewelrySlut’s side of the bed.

Me: What?
Shmuppie: I made pee pees real hard and my pants are wet and so is my bed so I need someone to change the sheet.
Me: (To JewelrySlut). What?
Shmuppie: I made pee pees real hard and my pants are wet and so is my bed so I need someone to change the sheet.
Me: (To JewelrySlut). Did I hear that?
JewelrySlut: (To Shmuppie). Go in the bathroom.
Me: What just happened?
JewelrySlut: I don’t know.
Me: She said ‘pee pees real hard’, didn’t she?
JewelrySlut: It seems
Me: Did she lay there in bed and just piss? What’s wrong with her? Is she a retard?
JewelrySlut: Maybe she has a deficiency.
Me: As in vitamin? I don’t think she has biri biri (A disease I’m quite certain I invented)
JewelrySlut: Laughing. No, she’s a retard.
Me this is going to be a long day, isn’t it?
JewelrySlut: Yup.

It has been a long day. Shmuppie, in general, has been on a tear lately. She’s been more annoying than usual. I can’t even describe it, but think of a parrot who just wandered your home all day spouting nonsense. It sounds like language, but it’s not English.

She asked JewelrySlut the other day “Can you can’t see me?”
It’s like that.

Just now, we had another one.
Lately, we’ve had some minor parking issues in our court; some new people moved in and they seem to own like 35 cars. So, we’re always playing “Parking Olympics” to make sure we get a visitor spot in front of the house.

I got home from the Y today and JewelrySlut was parked in the visitor spot in front of our house…but she had backed in. That’s not normal. My initial thought was that she’d initially had another spot, the one next to ours opened, and she just backed over.

Me: What’s with the car?
JewelrySlut: The kid told me to park that way? I told her you’d be asking what was up.
Me: ?? And you started taking orders form her when?
JewelrySlut: (Glares at me)
Me: I mean…you never do anything I say.
JewelrySlut: That’s because all you tell me to do is ‘put it in your mouth’.
Me: Good point

That’s a fun game I like to play. It’s called “Put it in your mouth”. We play it at night. And, when I say “we”, I mean “I”. JewelrySlut says something to me and I answer “put it in your mouth”.

Men: Try it at home. It’s fun.

It’s been a long day. And, there’s plenty of day left.