I write. You decide

Good morning, everyone. Let’s have a talk. I need you all to let me know if this gripe of mine is because I’m a dick or because other people are dicks. Please keep I nmind, we are assessing my dickness based SIMPLY on this issue.

OK…I flew home last night. Continental 445, EWR – RDU. We were on a 737-300.

Do me a favor. I would like everyone to open this link in another tab or something. (If you’re using IE, you suck and need to get on board and download Firefox).

Ok…see the cute little plane with all the seats? That was my plane. I had seat 14A. See it there on the left side? It’s half green and half yellow, right? That’s my favorite seat in all of the airline industry. It has no seat in front of it. One can more or less lie down in that seat. It’s nice for sleeping. However, it also leads to passenger misunderstandings.

Riddle me this: If you’re in 12B, where does your under the seat carry on go? Think that over. Where do you put your laptop bag?

Moving on.

I come down the aisle to my row and get into 14A. I plop down and open up my bag to get out my pillow and magazines. Having gotten them out, I go to stow my bag under the seat in front of me (in this case, 10A (Continental seems to have a thing against Rows 11 and 13…13 I get…11?)). I look up and see that there is a bag under 10A. There is also a man sitting in 12B and his legs are stretched out under 10B. Basically, from my perspective, he’s got his bag in my spot.

I lean forward and this conversation ensues:

Me: Excuse me sir?
12B: Yes?
Me: Can you move your bag a little bit so I can get my bag under that seat (Points to 10A)?
12B: (Looks at me funny)
Me: (Points to backpack)
12B: (Moves his laptop bag about 2 inches)
Me: (Slides my big-ass backpack towards the empty seat. It quickly becomes apparent that a situation is brewing)
12B: Do you plan to take up all that space?
Me: Well…yea.
12B: (Starts cursing at me)
Me: (Grins and sits back in my seat)
12B: (Throws his bag under 10B and then starts kicking my backpack.)
Me: (inflates pillow, puts earbuds in and goes to sleep)

He spent the rest of the flight turning around and glaring at me. I can’t say for certain how often he did this because I was asleep…with my legs splayed out in front of me.

So…who’s the dick? Me or him?

I, as an airline passenger in a non-bulkhead row, am required to stow my bag either in the overhead bin or under the seat in front of me.

12B was required to follow the same rules.

So, when he put his bag under the seat in front of mine (albeit a seat that was kinda far away), he broke the rules. When he responded by cursing at me and stomping my bag, I really feel he was in the wrong.

I feel I did nothing wrong and was polite in my request to gain access to my space. Was I wrong?

That’s my story.

PS: Thanks to Captain Kansas, I’m back in business.

Fuck
fuck
fuckity fuck

What’s the use in having this site if I can’t curse?

Been a slow-ish week up here in NJ.

Well, t hat’s not entirely accurate. It’s been a frustrating week up here in NJ. Any time I have extensive dealings with MarcTheRetard, things don’t end well for either of us.

For the past 18 months, he’s been “working” to get our office up and running on a production tracking system. Well, we were supposed to launch it this week.

No, acknowledging that he’s retarded, I had lowered my expectations for the product. But, still, I had a certain level of expectation. Well, as always, he found new and exciting ways to disappoint.

I open the program…oh wait…not that program, the other one. Why open the first one? Well, you have to open the job in Program A, work the job in program B and then close it back in A. Why not just use one or the other for all the aspects of the job? Because that would be easy.

So, I use program B. I’m clicking on things to drop down boxes. And, I wait…and wait…and wait. Now, I’ll admit that I want immediate response from life. When I click a button, I want the program to respond. I guess that helps me in the sack too. Doesn’t do much for JewelrySlut, as she often lies next to me, disappointed yet again.

Anyway…when you click a drop down box, it takes 15-20 seconds for it to respond. So, writing a 3-line quote took me 27 minutes. Normally, this would take 3 minutes. Processing this job end to end took all afternoon…when it used to take me 4 minutes.

At one point, I clicked on “Send RFQ to supplier”. A box opened up and said “Email sent to supplier and copy sent to NoGoodDaddy”. Ok…that’s good. Except it never got sent.

Me: MTR? Why didn’t this get sent?
MTR: Well, it doesn’t always send the email when you tell it to.
Me: What. The. F_uck**
MTR: You can’t be sure it works every time.
Me: 50% of the time does it work every time?
MTR: (Confused)
Me: So, even though this says it did its job, I can’t trust that it did? So, I have to manually recreate the RFQ on my own.
MTR: Yes.
Me: And this is progress?

**It seems as of late that I can not post fucking curses in my entries. This, as you all can imagine, is a problem. Ummm…Pedro? Censor much?

I told the supplier in question I could speak in colors. That’s how mad I was.

Oh…and, when it “sent” the message, it sent it to NoDaddy@RedCompany.com. (That’s how I designate my nickname)

Me: Marc? That’s not my email address
MTR: It’s not? What’s wrong with it?
Me: It’s wrong. That’s not my name in the email system. Fix it.
MTR: Well, it’s close
Me: Yes it is. But close does not work if you spell my name wrong
MTR: The Exchange Server (a term he learned but has no idea what it means) won’t change your name?
Me: If I called you “Hank’ would you answer?
MTR: No
Me: Fix my goddamn email address

Not that it sends anyway.

Yesterday, I hit send and, 5 hours later, I got the email. He saw this as progress. I saw this as yet another reason to kill him.

But, other than that, I’m on a roll at work. I think I found a way to save HealthCareRelatedCompany somewhere near $1,000,000 annually on a job, put it at a RedCompany facility (giving us revenue), and keeping our office financially solvent for a year. All in one day. My boss said that if this works, I can more or less take off the rest of the year.

Sweet.

4 days until vacation. And, fortunately, we are not flying on an MD88.

It never ends when it comes to air travel.

Screw the TV; this is way better!

The new washer and dryer came today. Shmuppie is fascinated (so am I).

New front loaders with windows on them. We can sit on the floor and watch the laundry. It’s quite fun. The machines look really nice and are unbelievably quiet.

We love it

In other news, I went out this morning to try to buy Buffett tickets. Crusty the Clown…er…Jimmy is coming to Raleigh in June. I decided there was no way in hell I was paying Ticketmaster or Live Nation or whatever the hell they’re called, so I hopped in the car.

I am the proud owner of 6 lawn seats. I only need 3, but I could buy 6. I’ll sell the other 3 and hopefully make the money back for all 6.

They went on sale at 10:00 and I got to the window at 10:04 (I was about 100th on line). By 10:08 or so, the lawn seats were gone. They went very quickly. It was sick. The show is the same day as Crawfish Day at the Farmer’s Market. I have to decide if I want to buy a big propane burner rig and boil the crawdads at home or in the parking lot. Oh yea…it’s like that.

Oh look…an Easter Egg. I wonder where this link takes us?



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Contact: Dick Gazinya – Communications Director
Tel: 800-NGD-HOAR
Email: xenumagic@gmail.com

NGDI and YIADI Merge

NoGoodDaddy Industries and YeahImADork Inc. form powerful partnership

In a move destined to change a very small part of the world, NoGoodDaddy Industries and YeahImADork Inc. are excited to announce the formation of the internet’s newest and most exciting blog that no one will ever read: Xenuismagic.

Xenuismagic was born from the most primal of emotions; hatred. When it became obvious to the parties involved that NGD’s hatred for Christians was only equaled by Ardrian’s hatred for Scientology, the decision to join together to take on stupidity was quickly reached.

Neither of the company’s co-founders could be reached for comment. At the time of release, NoGoodDaddy was on the toilet and Ardrian was administering medicine to her cat.

Quotes obtained from the founders speak for themselves:

Regarding God:
Oh…God. I wasn’t sure who you meant. As soon as you mentioned the whole dead kid thing, I knew who you meant. I thought you meant that elephant dude with the girl arms.
-NoGoodDaddy

Regarding popular target, Tom Cruise:
Thousands of years of war and intolerance can be obliterated by Tom and the other alien-loving wackos! He will save the children!!
-Ardrian

###

If you would like more information about this topic, you clearly are in need of psychiatric help. If you wish to pay NoGoodDaddy or Ardrian for interviews, please contact Dick Gazinya

NoGoodDaddy: Ruiner of homes

Let’s provide some background here.

In the early summer of 1006, we were doing some yard work/pruning out front. There’s not much to work with, but we were trying to tidy things up a bit. There was this scraggly bush/vine thing growing right at the border of our house and BigSexyGlenn’s. I trimmed back the dead parts hoping to get some new growth going.

About a month later, I noticed that the big tree in our front yard was about to start hitting cars parked out front. This would impact JewelrySlut, me, and BigSexyGlenn. I pruned back the lowest branches.

2 hours later, BSG (can’t spell it out any more), was pounding on our door. Not knocking, mind you, absolutely pounding on it. I answered and he just started screaming at me. Something about trimming the bush from a month before and how I more or less ruined his house and life. Before I could even open my mouth to apologize or try to figure out what I was even apologizing for, he stormed off.

That’s typically how BSG communicates. Every few months, he comes over, screams at me and then walks away; usually leaving me with my mouth open, staring in wonder at the trees. (I think I’ve mentioned all this before, but it’s worth repeating).

It turned out that when I pruned back the tree, I opened up a little beam of sunlight that happened to hit his dining room. This is what made him angry. He thought the bush I had cut a month prior was blocking this sunlight. It had been the tree. This proved that he was an ass.

To try to calm him down, I bought a little fruit tree and planted it in front of his house. Several months later, while installing a drainage pipe in front of our houses, the scraggly bush was removed all together.

The little fruit tree died. He over watered the shit out of it.

It’s now March of 2008 and this whole escapade could not be farther from the front of my mind.

Until Friday that is.

CrazyAnne came by to let me know that BSG had accosted her and demanded to know when the next board meeting was. He planned to attend to see what the Homeowner’s Association would to remedy this situation.

I was confused.

I typed an email to BSG:

Glenn,

Anne stopped by my house just now to let me know that you were possibly interested in coming to the next HOA Board Meeting to discuss having the HOA pay to replace the shrub that I trimmed in the summer of 2006.

I’m somewhat confused and even a little upset that you may be uncomfortable with coming over and talking to JewelrySlut and me about this. I’m not sure what we could have done in the nearly 3 years that we have been neighbors to give you such feelings. I can’t think of any other explanation why you would want to make this an issue for the whole OurNeighborhood community to handle other than that there is something we have done to upset or offend you.

I know that the pear tree that I bought back in 2006 didn’t survive the drought, but not much else planted in this area in recent times has done all that well. I also recall that you had purchased a replacement tree or bush last summer. On several occasions, you commented that you would come by so we could plant it. When you never came by, I figured that you had taken care of it on your own. I never imagined that this could get to the point where the HOA, as a whole, might need to be involved.

In the coming weeks, we’ll be buying some plants for the spring and summer, and, at that time, I will gladly pick up another small tree for your yard if that is what you wish to be done. I’m not sure how well it will hold up considering the water restrictions in place, but, to try to settle what obviously remains an unresolved situation, I will gladly do it.

Should you wish to discuss it with the Board and seek additional restitutions; the next meeting will be held on Tuesday April 8. It will likely be held here at my house at 7:00. If you wish to bring this to the Board’s attention at that time, please contact Carol to make sure it gets on the agenda.

I truly hope that you are able to accept this offer and see that closure is brought to this situation. As I stated above, I am concerned that our family may have done or said something to you that has left you offended or upset with us. If there was anything done or said, I can assure you that it was purely unintentional and meant in no way to upset you.

Lastly, will you be able to provide your agreed-upon share of the costs for the tree removal that was done along our shared fence last fall? I think we agreed that we would pay half of the bill and that you and HorsePig would split the other half. The total bill came out to be $800.00.

Please feel free to come by at any time to discuss this. Whenever we’re home, our door is always open.

Thank you,

NoGoodDaddy

I was actually a little upset when I sent the message. Not because he was being an ass, but more, as I stated, because he wouldn’t come over. We really try to be good neighbors. We share walls and have a kid who likes to make noise. We’re very conscious about it. When we hung the new kitchen cabinets and were drilling and hammering, we made sure to go over to his house and “warn” him in advance so we would not disturb him were he busy.

He wrote back:

NoGoodDaddy,

My house is not the same. The Rose of Sharon that you pruned away was probably part of the original landscaping. Its was a slow growing plant that produced edible flowers (didn’t know that until it was gone) and provided me shade and privacy from the time I moved in in 1990 to 2006: sixteen years.

In the spirit of being forthright and honest, I still can’t fathom why you would cut it without first consulting with me as it was in front of my house. If a branch offended your line of sight, you could have removed it. It was pruned (they do not require pruning) and then destroyed. Your remark of “I guess I got a little carried away” was illogical to me.

I was incredulous that a new neighbor would take such license. There have been all kinds of transgressions here at OurNeighborhood regarding the yards but it generally has been of the variety where an occupant plants offensive things or has a lot of “junk” in the yard. But a “live and let live” code exists in our court probably because the policing function of the HOA has been virtually non-existent.

Finding a replacement for a mature shrub is difficult and I guess that is why I am so upset. A new small tree or shrub to replace the Rose of Sharon will just remind me of how ineffective it is in providing the privacy and shade I once had. The fact that I turn 65 this summer also probably has something to do with as well. I want the situation fixed and not have to endure a slow remedy,

You may remember that I mentioned this is the second time such an assault has been done on a plant in my yard. A crabapple tree was taken down many years ago “by mistake” and the tall replacement tree that is now there was a poor one. I will have to find an old picture to show you the full foliage and shade that I used to enjoy. It made my place quite distinct and comfortable and now much of it is gone.

I will get over it. Did not intend to circumvent you by going to the HOA; just exasperated. I knew Ann would come to you.

I will pay for the tree in the rear because I agreed to. I just wanted to take care of the front of my place before doling out the money for something that really was not a problem for me.

Glenn

PS: I hope this explains my actions. I have never been this upset about something connected with my home or living at SF. My home is just not the same. People can now look in and the afternoon sun pours into the dining area. With that said, you have otherwise been a very good neighbor; what would I have done without patience and your ladder (smile.)

Ok then…
I had JewelrySlut read it to me because I couldn’t even look at the computer.

Does the word asshole come to mind? Or does crybaby asshole more fit the scene?

Holy mother of God. JewelrySlut and I reacted differently to his message. I saw it as “fuck him. Nothing can ever heal his hurt. Ok then.” JewelrySlut reacted differently. See, while you can take the girl out of Jersey, you can never take all of the Jersey out of the girl. She’s ready to buy some Aqua Net, put on some acid-washed jeans, and curb stomp him. I, for once taking the high road, refuse to answer the email or engage the man in any conversation. There’s nothing I can say that will not land me in trouble.

It’s fun, isn’t it? This is a grown man, and a college professor at that, behaving like a petulant child.

The kicker? On Saturday, we were out and about in JewelrySlut’s car. I was parked between our empty spot and BSG’s spot. He had someone over at his house doing carpentry. The worker’s truck was in his spot. He took his car and pulled in perpendicular to my car and our spot. He blocked me from leaving and JewelrySlut from returning. I think I had to physically restrain her.

It’s fun.

Speaking of fun:

Tomorrow is the Buble show down in Charlotte.

14 days from now, I’ll be sitting on a plane at ATL, waiting to take off for Puerto Plata!