Work’s a mess. On the bright side, on Monday, I fly to PHL to go to the PA site. Then, that evening, I drive all the way up to Mahwah. I’m at HealthCareRelatedCompany Tues – Thurs and then I fly home from PHL on Thursday night. Lot of driving. Lot of time to suck up to management and fight with the client. Good times!
But, I’ve been meaning to tell a story. This happened last week.
I’m sitting here in the office on a conference call with 8 other people. All of them, as far as I can tell, have one more digit in their salary than I do. It’s my boss, the bosses at the PA site and their bosses. I’m telling them, as nicely as I can, that they’re all fucking things up.
While this is going on, I hear AIM pop up on the home computer.
Oh look…it’s Princess Dumbass.
I don’t remember the whole transcript, but here’s a rough approximation:
WCG: Help me. I’m a retard and don’t know how to get on an airplane. I need to fly to FLA to go to my geek convention. I need to know what time to get to the big airplane house.
(Now, for about a month now, I’ve been helping her try to secure plane tickets to this event. It got to the point that she started calling me. In the middle of coloring Easter eggs, I had to talk to her about flying from RDU to FLL.)
Me: Have you booked the flight down yet? (She had tickets home for a while, but was shopping the flight down there)
Me: Good…at 9:55AM the day before, sign on and print out your boarding passes so you get a good spot on line to board.
WCG: I don’t have a ticket. I have an e-ticket. What do I do? Do I just stand here and piss myself? Or, do I print out the e-ticket and go to the airport.
Me: I hate you. Go on line the day before, create a boarding pass. Print it. Take it to the airport. Go to the counter and check in. I assume you have bags to check.
WCG: Yes, and I have my blankie and my favorite teddy bear…’cus I’m a-scairt.
Me: You really are useless, aren’t you?
WCG: The flight is at 9:55. When should I leave my house? Is now good? (Flight is a month + away)
Me: No. Get there at about 8:45 or so and you’ll have plenty of time.
WCG: Sends me the emoticon for pants-shitting and thumb sucking.
Me: Listen…here’s what we’ll do. When you get to where REDACTED and REDACTED meet (WCG likes to keep her exact location private. Thusly, I can not tell you all which 2 highways I am referencing) call me. I’ll jump in the car and we should arrive at RDU at the same time.
WCG: (Pees a little bit) You will?
Me: (Grudgingly) Yes. It seems like you need all the help you can get. I’ll help you through the process and get you checked in.
WCG: Thank you.
Me: I hate you.
So…on Friday, May 24, I’m off to RDU to help a retard get on a plane. I’m considering having my passport with me so I can be her escort. I can take her through security and down to the gate. There, I can sit her in a seat, pin a note to her sleeve that says “I have never left my backwater town before and am scared of all the people around me (especially the blackies and the Chinese)”, and come back home.
Really…I know that I fly way more tan the average yutz, but is it this hard? No…it’s not. WCG is just that dumb. (Prays to self that I catch all the typos in this post…or my point will not be well-made)
In unrelated news, last weekend, JewelrySlut and I sectioned off part of our tiny backyard to create a garden. We’ll be planting vegetables in the coming week or 2. As we sat there and looked at our creation, we had an idea. We’re going to re-deck the left half of the yard. I found these things called Dek Blocks that seem to take a lot of the pain out of deck building. I even think we can do this and not get hurt. Then, in the little strips that remain un-decked and un-gardened, we’re getting sod. It will be a strip of grass about 4′ wide and about 12′ long and then another area maybe 6′ wide and 10′ long. It’s gonna be awesome.
I should take some before pictures and post progress notes. I’ve never built anything and the deck kinda needs to be done right for it to have any chance of working. This ought to be fun.