NoGoodDaddy V2.0

We’re gonna try this again

I mean, we’ve gone and messed the first one up about as much as possible. We can either try to do better or give her a partner in agony.

Updates will officially be shorter, more frequent, and horribly inappropriate. JewelrySlut will wish the internets had never been invented by the time I get done with this.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go throw up.

Adventures in my life

Adventures like this that make me happy that I know, more or less, how to type.

Flight from RDU to PHL went well. Luggage arrived just as get to the carousel. Rental car bus arrived 20 seconds later. I rented a Toyota Camry that does not smell bad, work poorly or have stains in it.

Work is work.

Then the fun starts.

I left work and sent to pick up some dinner. There’s no one in town this week that I would even consider sharing a meal with, so I snuck out and got some dinner. I got to the hotel and checked in.

Now…I’m not a high maintenance hotel guest. I really just want a room that works and is more or less clean. Nothing else. I don’t make demands of the staff or bitch about wanting more points because it’s cold outside. I just want a room. It would also be nice if someone at the desk said “Hi”.

This is my 16th stay at this hotel since June of 2008. That’s 16 stays in just over 6 months. The twit asked me if I’d ever stayed with them before. This woman has checked me in about 3/4 of those times. This would never happen in Mahwah.

I take my crap and go up to the 4th floor. I get in the room, drop all my crap, take off my watch, bracelet, badge, shoes, remove wallet, open laptop. I then notice that it’s cold. I went to the thermostat and saw that it was 65 in the room. That’s a tad nipply. I jacked the heat up to about 70. Nothing. I dialed it up higher. Nothing. Then, I saw that it said “System Off”. Odd…seeing how the system was not set to “off”. I turned it off and then put it back on. Nothing. I jacked the heat to 80. Nothing.

Knowing that this hotel has a thing for not having heat from time to time, I went back down to the lobby. I was lazy and took the elevator.

At the desk was the woman who checked me in and another lady who works here who likes to give me a hard time about my complaints. Sorry…but when my room has no A/C (a summer problem), no TV, pink slime in the shower, no pillows, etc; I’m going to come ask for it to be remedied.

Her: We haven’t seen you in a while
Me: (I was here 10 days ago, but who’s counting). I’m here now. My room has no heat.

I explained my heat story to them and they laughed.

I did not.
The 2 of them started typing.

Me: Can I get a new room? A king? (I had reserved a king room and got 2 queens. The 2 queens room has no table…only a desk and I like having the little table)

Them: How about a suite?
Me: I don’t need a suite.
Them: They have heat.
Me: (not amused) I’ll take a suite then
Them: Ok… (Typing for a loooong time….all the while my dinner is in the cold room getting colder). How’s the first floor?
Me: (sad face)
Them: 101. It’s our suite.
Me: (Pointing to the area just past the lobby) 101? Isn’t that right there?
Them: No…it’s the room that connects to Chili’s
Me: NO!

Much typing ensues.

Them: How’s 227? Hey…that was a TV show!
Me: (resisting the urge to yell “Calvin…get yo ass down here!”) If it has heat, I’ll take it.

I get my key and bound up the 4 fights to 409 where my crap is icing over. I put the key in the little slot and watch the red light go on. Of course, dummy. Your keys now work room 227.


Back downstairs I go. The gruesome twosome is gone. There’s a new lady at the desk. I mean…how many people work here? No wonder the rooms are filthy…they fired the housekeeping staff in favor of desk people who don’t know my name.

I explained my story and asked for a key to 409.

Back up the 4 flights.
I walked in the room and the heat was working.

I gathered my things, dropped the newly minted key on the desk and took the elevator 2 flights down. I got to this room and started unpacking. I went to turn on the TV.


“You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

I crawled under the desk and saw that the TV does not plug in under the desk. I moved the TV. It was unplugged. Who unplugs the TV? I checked the heat. It works.

I settled in for a nice poopie. As I sat there, straining like…well…like a man taking a poop, I looked to the right at the row of bath towels.

The one closest to me was hairy. I threw it under the sink. I looked to my left. The toilet paper dispenser was empty.

This is my life folks. Enjoy it.

***This site will be undergoing a major change as of this coming Friday. PLease be patient during the transition***