We had a banner weekend at Casa NoGood. We employed the services of our favorite contractor to renovate the master bathroom.
We employed the HAPC.
Never heard of the HAPC? They have a proud history.
HAPC is a wholly owned subsidiary of the somewhat more famous HACC. Never heard of the HACC? Your loss. The Half-Assed Carpentry Company has been in business since 1998 and has been doing shitty work ever since.
The HAPC, of course, is the Half-Assed Plumbing Company. Please don’t confuse then with the HAEC (Electric). They played a small part in the work this weekend too.
But, back to the HACC. They got their start in 1998 back in Hackettstown. I found myself as the happy owner of a house that was falling apart. I also found myself without any money. So, I did a lot of “home improvement”. And, yes, it involved a lot of shimming and caulk. One day, I’d like to own a house with walls and floors that are straight.
The HAPC came next as I learned that bathrooms like to leak. I learned again that copious amounts of caulk can solve a lot of problems. Sink leaks? Caulk it. Leaky toilet? Caulk it. Hell…once, I crawled up into the attic during a storm and shot caulk into a hole in the roof in an attempt to stop water from cascading into the kitchen. Caulk saves everything.
The HAEC has not done a lot of work because OSHA and JewelrySlut have deemed them to be wholly unsafe. This stems from the one time I tried to short a circuit rather than shut off the breaker. The resulting burns didn’t go over well.
More recently, other franchises have opened. The HADC (deck) opened last May. With an assist from a lovely assistant, we were able to build the deck and have it still be standing a year later. The HASC (sod) failed miserably last year and los investors literally tens of dollars.
HAKCC (Kitchen Cabinet) seems to have had some success. The kitchen remains upright and straight.
So, this past weekend, we hired HAI (Half-Assed Industries) to work in the bathroom.
When we bought the house nearly 4 years ago, our bathroom was a disaster. The day after we moved in, we called Bath fitter because we were not using the shower until it had been replaced. The rest of the room was dreadful. There was awful striped wallpaper and a broken sink. I used to sit on the crapper and peel wallpaper off the walls. When we re-did Shmuppie’s bathroom, we were able to use her sink in our bathroom. Of course, the guy who did the work had to work fast because the valves would not shut. He had to work faster than the leaks were happening.
A year ago, a friend of my mother was gutting her bathroom. She noticed the vanity and counter top and had it saved for us. So, finally…a year later, I got to work on installing it. The deck and kitchen got in the way. But, with Thing2 coming, we decided to do the bathroom now.
Friday: I ripped up the toilet and put it in the shower. Classy…I know. I ripped apart the existing sink and vanity. A lot of spackling followed. There were holes all over the place from 30 years worth of nails, screws, towel bars, etc.
Saturday: I started by sanding all the spackle. COUGH. I made quite an amazing mess in the bathroom. Everything was covered in dust. Then, I primed the walls and ceiling. By the way, if you have popcorn ceilings, don’t paint them. Hire someone. It sucks ass…twice. I hate popcorn ceilings. Thankfully, we only have them in our bathroom and the dining room. I’m never painting the dining room.
Off to Lowe’s I went for paint and supplies. I had to buy wood, valve things, more wood, and something else. It added up to $145. I got home and then painted the walls and ceiling. The color is a nice tropical blue. The ceiling still sucked. A lot of paint was used and I was unhappy.
Then, I tried to tackle the floor. There have been rust stains on the floor behind the toilet for as long as we’ve lived here. We’ve tried to clean them, but it was hard with the bowl in place. With it out, I went to work. I sprayed an assortment of caustic things on the floor. Nothing worked. Eventually, I gave up. The floor’s cleaner, but not white. It’s more of a pale tan in the area behind the toilet.
Then I ate dinner, watched basketball, and went to bed.
Sunday: I went out to buy new insides for the toilet. I needed JewelrySlut to help me through the 25-step process of reassembling it. I hate plumbing. However, I got it set back up and put together with no leaks. That’s a first for me. Usually, toilet repair = lots of leaks. Toilet in, I went to work on the cabinet. We needed to bring the floor up to the right level to hold the cabinet. That was easy and I got to use the table saw again! It got screwed in and I placed the counter on it. I then started wiping it down. Then I noticed the blood. Lots of blood. It seems I had sliced my finger open on one of the holed drilled for the faucet.
Then, we hired the HAEC for their part of the job. I killed the power to the circuit named “Upstairs bathroom”. I swapped out the light switches in about 4 minutes. Then I went to work on the outlet.
That makes sense…why put the outlet in the bathroom on the bathroom circuit? It, apparently, was on the master bedroom circuit. I cleaned the urine off the floor and continued. By the end of the day, the toilet was working, the shower had been cleaned again and the cabinet was mounted.
Monday: Mid-morning, I went upstairs and caulked the counter to the cabinet. I had to go back to Ace to buy sink guts. Before dinner, Shmuppie helped me put in the faucet. We out it all together and turned on the water. Amazingly, we only had one small leak. A few turns of a wrench later, the leak was gone. Simply amazing.
In a little over 72 hours, I’d remodeled the bathroom. Well…almost. I’m not quite done. I have paint to touch up and some more caulking to do.
Then, we need to hire the HACC for an important job. The counter we’re using was originally from a double-sink. It’s cultured marble. We’d had someone cut the left side to fit the cabinet. But, it doesn’t extend across the bathroom. So, we had another piece cut. I now need to screw a frame into the wall and mount the extra piece of counter to it. It needs to be dead on level and fit smoothly against the existing piece. I dread this job. I’m not good at being exact and I already know that there don’t seem to be enough studs in the walls. This should end horribly with me lying under a slab of marble.
But, all in all, it went well. By this weekend, it should be 100% done and I’ll be ready to tackle the next tasks at the house. The kitchen cabinets still need to be stained and finished. I need nice weather to do that task.
It’s a girl.
JewelrySlut is getting huge.
Poor Shmuppie has been sick for 2 weeks.
I’m still not allowed to leave the house.
Look! a cropped off picture of our unborn child. My HTML skills suck. that, or I need a wider template. where are those homos I use to design this place?