Dumbest conversation ever, part 73:
I’m at the Y yesterday, trying to leave. At the Y, you go downstairs and the desk person takes your ID and gives you a locker key. It should be a simple transaction. On any day not named Monday or Tuesday, this is how it goes.
Me: (hands over ID). Anywhere is fine
Desk person: (reaches over, grabs the first key they feel) Here you go
Mondays and Tuesdays are the days that Sally works the desk. Holy shit is she awful.
Here’s how it goes with her:
Me: (hands over ID). Anywhere is fine
Sally: (snorts). Let me see. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm…. (Ponders the board of keys sitting on their little hooks). Hmmmmmmmm…. (Reaches for a key…thinks better of it) Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
Sally: Here you go
Me: Thank you. (Enters locker room to see that she has placed everyone who has gone to workout in roughly the same area and you have to wade in past a turnstile of penis to get to your locker)
Anyway…I told you that story to tell you this one:
As I said, yesterday, I m trying to leave. I hand over my key, and as usual, say the number on it, lest Sally have to read the number on the key and then match it to the number on the little peg-wall.
Sally: You always look different when you come in here
Me: (puzzled). Well…I have more than one shirt.
Sally: I guess so. But you always look different
Since I work from home, my outfit is consistent. Jeans or shorts. T-shirt or maybe if I want to feel pretty, a polo shirt…or if I want to feel saucy, a Hawaiian shirt. And a hat. That’s it.
Sally: (points to my wrist) I know your bracelet.
Me: (Nothing…I have no idea how to respond other than to lift my arm in a sort of stupid acknowledgement)
Sally: Sometimes you dress nice and sometimes, not.
Me: No…I usually look like this. Sometimes the t-shirts are cleverly worded, but that’s it for me.
Sally: Ok then
I just don’t know. When I went back today, she agrees that I had on a different shirt. That’s good to know, seeing how yesterday’s shirt was blue and today’s is gray.
Sally is a retard.
Dumbest conversation ever, part 93:
Yesterday, after the Y, I was at home, upstairs, talking to M&K. They’d come by for a moment. We were on the main floor near the sliding doors. I happened to look outside at a pack of people, towels around their necks, eyeballing the pool. Deciding that a plant on the deck needed weeding, I went outside.
I then watched them discuss whether or not scaling the wall to the pump house was a good way to get into the pool.
Me: Hey! Got a key?
Man: Umm…no. We were trying to figure out the password. (Password? What? After some thought, we figured that they were trying to jimmy open the lockbox that’s on the fence. The pool people use it to get in and out and to open up the pump room)
Me: You need a key.
Man: Oh…um…I lost my key (Homer Simpson voice saying “Quick! Think up a lie”)
Me: Oh…you should get one then.
Man: Where do I get one?
Me: The office. No…better yet, write to Pinehurst. They hand out the keys.
Man: Can’t I go to the office? (Points to the pool which, for the purposes of his life, doubles as an office)
Me: No. That’s not an office.
Man: Oh. We don’t have a key
Me: Where do you live?
Me: What’s your address? (This is where I decide to put the young fellow and his friends in their place and see them off)
Me: You know…your address…
Man: Points off towards the street. Four-thousand something.
Me: (knowing that all addresses in our community start with 17 or 52) You see…that’s not an address associated with this community.
Man: But I hang over there (pointing to the street behind the pool)
Me: OK. See…you need to live in one of these houses (points to the row of homes we’re on) to go to the pool and get a key. I know my neighbors. You are not one of my neighbors.
At this, the man and his comrades quietly walked away. He’d lost face to a smartass on his deck and would now have to go shamefully face his friends. Too bad.
HEY ASSHOLE! The gate is locked. The fence is metal with spikes on top of it. What was your plan once you scaled the wall of the pump house? Your friends seemed…shall we say, less limber than you. How did you plan on getting them in (or out)?
All during this, JewelrySlut, M, and K were in the house laughing.
It’s fun living among stupid people.