I’m your Fred

Hey look! Fred was around today. After making his head spin for an hour I let him loose.

19 more days in this job.

I got me a flu shot this year. I figured it was safe considering what seems to be growing in the hotel’s shower. I know one can’t catch the flu from mold, but I’m playing it safe for now.

The pumpkin muffin from Dunkin Donuts is surprisingly light. I thought I’d need to puke after eating one. Hey DD! The coffee sucks taint this week. Don’t make me call Peter King.

We’re carving pumpkins on Friday. I plan to make them Star Wars themed. I have an idea that’s sure to go horribly wrong. I REALLY want to see Star Wars in Concert. Since JewelrySlut has Chicken on the tit, she can’t really do a night away from home in Charlotte. So, I’m thinking of doing a very silly thing. I’m thinking of taking Shmuppie down to Charlotte for the night so see the show and stay over. There is no way in hell this could go well.

Of course, Shmuppie needs to behave at school. We’ve already told her that if she misbehaves this week…no Halloween. And, at the same time, I’m pondering taking her out of town for a night and blowing somewhere between $50 and $100 (depending on how much the tickets are running) to go see the most awesomest thing ever.

God help me

Sky mall

Back in PA today. I had to wake up at early-ass o’clock to catch the 7:00 flight. That does not please me. What else does not please me? Well…my boss is not here this week so I can’t talk to him about what I’m supposed to be doing. Also, Fred’s back to running equipment because his replacement is gone.

20 days after today until I am free.

So…I’m a chronic figdeter on the plane. The flight is under 1hour. In that time, I finished my SI, read some of the NY Times magazine (Oh look…they cut out the Key magazine and have now built it into the regular magazine), read some Discover, took a 15-minute nap, read some of the Sunday Times and looked out the window. You wonder why we won’t go to Hawaii.

Anyway, one of my things is to scan the Skymall catalog once we land and taxi to the gate. Look at this shit:

Snorkel cell phone
Snorkel Cell Phone Thing

For the asshole who needs to be connected to his or her phone while under water? For just under $1800, you can be that asshole. I’m astounded.

Foot tanner Thing

For the asshole who can’t afford the cell phone snorkel, it’s the foot tanning thing. Because I care about strap marks on your feet. I’m strange as it is, but I kinda like tan lines on my feet. It says “Look at me. I live a life of leisure that does not include traditional shoes”.

Skymall thrills me. There’s always something to make me look at it and say “Does ANYone buy this shit?”

Well…time to go wander the hotel in my boxers and see if any midgets need saving.

Can I remember what I wanted to write?

Let’s put Shmuppie to bed and get JewelrySlut into the shower and then see what I can remember.

Hold, please.

Nope…don’t remember.

This is funny though…some time last night, as I’m told, I started shaking JewelrySlut. As she woke up, rather startled, I yelled at her “SHHH! Spider” Why did I do that? Lord knows, I’m a bit of an odd sleeper. If it’s not waking up screaming, it’s waking up to yell at her about spiders or waking up to bite her or elbow her in the face.

That was a good night. It must have been 1999 or so. Her parents were visiting us in NJ. At some point in the night I swung around and elbowed her square in the face. As she woke up, muffling a scream (Her parents were in the guest room adjacent ours) blood started pouring out of her nose. I woke up at that point, confused as to why my wife was bleeding from the nose. Realizing that my elbow was smarting a tad, I put 2 and 2 together and figured it all out. Needless to say, she had a black eye in the morning. Explaining that to her parents was fun.

Know what you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing…you already told her twice

Survived the week

The washing machine is fixed, the kitchen veneering is all but done (some nail heads to fill in), the ceiling fan remains wacky, but only temporarily so, no pets died, I got a hair cut and Fred’s still not doing my job.

Off to PA on Monday morning. 7:00 flight. I’m already unhappy. I wanted to go on Sunday night, but an asshat exec would not approve my trip until the Sunday flights all sold out.

I don’t know what we have planned for the weekend. I’ll probably fidget and find things to break while trying to fix them.

When you’re lucky, they write themselves.

On Sunday, I got more or less assaulted through email from someone over on FaceBook.

Today, I got my apology.

This was my response:
I’ve been staring at that friend request for 4 days now and writing emails in my head about 4 times a day. Some nice “please just go away”, some “please go the hell away”, some “Who the hell are you to come into my life, call me a jerk and yell at me? I don’t even know who the hell you are?”

Look at that…I did manage to say all those things.

As I put it to a common FB friend “JVA just went shit-flinging monkey on me. Tell me again who this person is”

Strap in. It’s my turn now:

“I’m a lot older than you, so we may not have much in common. I’m 54.”
So the hell what? I’m 35. My best friend is 5 months older than my father. I don’t know anyone under 40. Your age and mine has nothing to do with this. If anything, it extends to a larger, social issue that we needn’t get into right now, but, as I boil it down “Old people and the internet don’t mix”.

“Sadly I’m just over the forum now.”
IT’S A FREAKIN WEBSITE ABOUT AN ISLAND! What’s there to be over? Discussions of “cooler or no cooler”? As I tell people over and over again…if you don’t want to read something, nobody’s holding a gun to your head to read it.

“Saying that you were some sort of phenomenon or something.”
You can go read my blog, you can find me on any number of websites. I have 2 online personalities. They’re characters. Sure, they are based on me and are, more often than not, all too true, but FB is different. If I “let you in” here, you see my name, my wife’s name, the names of my children, where I live and where I work. You’re being let into my house. Yea…if I don’t recognize you, I’m asking who you are. I’d be foolish not to do so.

“For such a blessed man…….you are truly a jerk” You’re half right. But I prefer “asshole”, thank you very much.

But, in the end, a person I don’t know in person and barely register from a shared website, came here and blasted me. When I deleted you, it was by accident.

The internet’s a funny place. You would not have gone to your neighbor’s house, opened their front door and yelled at them. You don’t look the type (because that’s all I know of you; a face and a hat). That’s what you did. How should that have been handled?
“NoGood…did you defriend me? What happened?”
Me: “Oh crap…did I do that?” (Which I think is what I said when I picked my jaw off the floor)

Blame the Redskins? I don’t think so. As fans, we’re in trouble. My only hope is that I outlive Dan Snyder. Until then, we’re the Raiders

What to do? Double-barreling on you did not make me feel good. If anything, it saddens me. You came across as one glass of wine away from getting in the car, driving to NC and coming at me with a carving knife. I’ve been confronted before because of my writings. A villa owner got a hold of me at The Beach Bar and let me have it over a review. I’ve opened myself up to an extent and I know that people read what I write. So, Sunday was an eye-opening, and frankly, scary little adventure.
(now I’m rambling and not making sense)
Do I just hit the “accept” button and hope for the best or do I politely ask you to go away? Do I just say “Screw it, Rob, it’s the internet and she made a mistake”?

You tell me. You gonna play nice on the internet or do you need to go sit in the corner and write “I will not drink and email” about eleventy-billion times?

I think I summed it up neatly…the inetrnet and old people don’t mix. If you’re over 50, you should have some sort of restraining device on your computer.