I remember what this is like

It?s almost gotten out of control around here lately.

We?re on the edge of needing help.

There must be a support group we can turn to for our problem.

No, asshole, it?s not the drinking. We?ll drink as much as we damn well please. Do you really want to get to know me when I don?t have a liter of wine in my veins? I didn?t think so.

No?we?re almost becoming healthy people. The people who rail about how unhealthy most people are.

We need to stop.

Know what was the worst thing about our recent drive to FLA? It wasn?t 10 hours in the car with a young child who hates the car and spends all of her waking hours whining. It wasn?t the fact that NC and SC offer you only 2 lanes on 95. No?it was the food. We knew that, at some point in the journey, we?d need to eat. And that upset JewelrySlut and I greatly.

We?ve always been dead set against fast food. Face it, the shit?s horrible and isn?t good for you. It?s loaded with a bunch of crap that was never meant to be ingested and considered food. Of course, we?re reasonable people. We let Shmuppie have the occasional Happy Meal or some crap from Chik-Fil-A. It?s not right to impart all of our insanity upon her.

But, the damn Wii had pushed us over the edge. Ever since I climbed on the balance board and it made a sad face at me and told me I was fat, we?ve been committed?and should be committed.

2011 has become the ?Year of the Salad? in our house. Because of our schedules, we never seem to be able to get to the Farmer?s Market to buy fresh produce. As a result, we?re left trying to buy produce in a city that considers fried chicken to be a vegetable. Our local grocery stores plain suck. We make the best of the situation and spend way too much money on fresh fruits and vegetables. The people at the register?the people who are supposed to know all the produce codes, often look at us and have to ask what things are.

?Um?that?s broccoli?
?Oh?what do you do with it??
?You cook it and then eat it??

This goes on every week. But, despite our struggles to find food that hasn?t already rotted, we?ve made progress. We?ve nearly convinced Shmuppie that eating fast food will kill her and Moo can?t be far behind. We?re proud that our kids recognize vegetables in both their raw and cooked form. It?s wonderful to see Moo signing for her food and not have it just be ?cookie? or ?wine?

Yes?she knows the sign for wine and often asks for it with dinner. We oblige and give her 3 drops. It?s all in good fun.

She?s leaving for detox this afternoon. I?ll miss her.

The probable highlight of our summer happened last weekend. We didn?t have swim meet for the first time in a few weeks, didn?t have to be at an airport and weren?t in FLA. We were home and had nothing to do. With much excitement, we set out for the Farmer?s Market to load up on veggies. All we wanted to do was buy some good stuff and then sit at home and eat it.

And eat we did.

Tomatoes, peppers, onions and yellow squash got tossed with some oil and vinegar and made into a salad.

Tomatoes and peppers went into another salad.

Bread (bought from the black guy in crazy chef pants) got sliced, grilled, and topped with grilled green tomatoes and cheese.

Boneless pork chops from The Piggy Store were brined and cooked.

To top it all off, we made a pizza. My new pizza stone was tested out on the Compensator (the name for my too-large grill). Basil, more fresh tomatoes, chunks of mozzarella cheese and diced onions made for one of the best pizzas ever.

Add beer and a few bottles of wine, and you had a Saturday. The weather was unseasonably awesome (by comparison, it hit 107 yesterday) and we had a wonderful day.

Sunday involved more vegetables and some nice steak that I managed to find at the store. The remaining basil was sacrificed to make a lovely pesto. More bread and tomatoes were grilled.

The weekend was heaven?and neither JewelrySlut nor I managed to gain any weight!

Because we?re obsessed like that. She?s fighting to lose 2-3 more lbs. to get down to a level she hasn?t been at since before Shmuppie was born. I?ve been holding for the past 3 months. I lost the weight quickly?maintaining it?s been the challenge for me.

So?bringing me back to where I was originally (I?m so happy to have not lost my touch. Who says less with more better than I do?) was?we hate fast food because it?s bad for you and makes you fat.

End of story.

I forgot my fucking password

It’s been that long.

JewelrySlut told me someone had recently posted to say “Where have you been”. Shit…it’s been a while.
What’s happened, you ask as if you care?

We signed up for Netflix
I started running
My mother stopped talking to me
My father stopped talking to me
JewelrySlut turned 40. We spent it at home. I made a kick-ass osso bucco for her so that made it a little nicer
We went to Emerald Isle and it rained a lot
Shmuppie turned 9
She finally learned how to ride a bike
I lost somewhere between 22-24lbs depending on the time of day and how bad of a crap I still need to take
I got a raise and a promotion
JewelrSlut lost nearly 20lbs
I had to buy new clothes
Shmuppie finished the 3rd grade
The state has decided that she’s academically gifted and talented
It became summer
We went to FLA for a few days
Shmuppie started the 4th grade
For some reason, I’m still running because I apparently haven’t realized how much it sucks
The wee-un will be 2 in a few weeks
A week before that, I’ll be 37
I’ve lost more hair

Wrapped around this has been my work schedule. I’ve been working anywhere between 50-60 hours per week all year. The only good thing about it is that it’s all been from home. No more travel for me.

I’d love to offer a good excuse, but when I close my laptop at about 8:00 every night, I’m too tired to do anything but sit on the couch. I type emails to drooling chimps all day. The last thing I ever want to do it type some more.

But I should. And, if we all now me, I’ll get into a surge of writing, bang out a few boring posts about the color of my bowel movements or my boss’s horrible typing and then vanish again.

But, I”ll try. I do have some amusing things to say…I just need the strength to say them