Thursday April 3.

Wednesday had gone well, with the weather cooperating. We had high hopes for our last full day at the hotel.

We woke up and the weather was OK. At least it wasn’t raining.

After breakfast, we walked to the 2 adjacent resorts to see what they looked like, and to prove to Shmuppie that we were not going to be able to rent any little boats. It’s too bed because they have little sailboats, ocean kayaks and pedal boats. The whole setup looked like fun, but it was not meant to be for this group of adventurers. Shmuppie pouted.

We decided to walk back to our resort and to a big gazebo that’s perched out at the end of the complex. It sits out on a point and overlooks the whole resort. We trudged up and passed a lot of Europeans. They were all on the phone. I guess maybe it’s the easternmost point at the resort and puts them all closest to home, but they were all on the phone jabbering away or pointing their phones towards the heavens. We took some pictures and then headed back to change for an attempt at sunning ourselves.

The day went well. It wasn’t overly warm, but that did little keep the kid from the pool. At one point, I grabbed a passing floatie and used it to paddle back and forth to the swim up bar. Shmuppie followed me on one trip because she wanted another pina colada. Happy with her drink, she stood up on the barstool and started dancing. She may or may not have gotten up on the bar for her dance. 2 Canadians were next to us and they remarked how cute she was. I remarked that it was good training; college can be expensive.

At one point, a photographer was wandering around the pool holding an iguana. Naturally, Shmuppie wanted her picture taken. So, she had pictured with a lizard taken. We had no intention of buying them.

We had lunch. It rained. We hid under an umbrella. It rained again. We napped. The sun came out. It was that kind of day.

We dressed in our finest resort gear and got ready for dinner. We had one of the staffers take out picture. Shmuppie looked dopey. She can be such an idiot.

On Tuesday, it had been someone’s birthday. The whole restaurant staff came out and sang. Shmuppie was upset that it would not be her birthday. We told her that if she behaved, we could pretend that it was her birthday.

We’re big on faking birthdays and other events. Once, on a 7 night cruise with my family, we had a different event each night. Birthdays, anniversaries. It’s fun to be sung to by off-key foreigners.

So, when Shmuppie and I went up to get her food, JewelrySlut tipped off our waiter. So, as dinner wound down, we heard clapping from inside the restaurant (we were outside). Out onto the terrace came about 12 people, and a full Mariachi band. They sang to Shmuppie and served us a cake. JewelrySlut and I had a moment of utter terror when they unveiled the cake; it was chocolate. Shmuppie claims not to like chocolate. Since I guess she does occasionally listen when we tell her to be polite, she graciously accepted the cake and even ate a few forkfuls while the band serenaded her. She was in heaven.

We headed out to the Happy Fun Time Showtime Theater for kids dance break. Shmuppie had a ball. I gave JewelrySlut $5.00 and told here to go have some fun in the casino (who says I’m not a good husband?). Well, nearly 20 minutes later, she finally came back. I had nearly forgotten where she had gone. JewelrySlut had apparently found some nickel slots and was having a ball and a half wasting money, $.05 at a pop.

Armed with the video camera, the Animators (or whatever the hell they’re called) came out for Ultra Fast Dance Break and the presentation of silly awards. Then, the hotel dance troupe came out to do their show. If I’m not mistaken, the theme was Fat Chicks in Small Costumes, with a Special Appearance by the World’s Gayest Dominican.

It was splendid.

We wandered back to the room at about 10:00 and went to bed. We had a long day ahead of us.

If we knew then what we know now, we may have stayed up all night and partied it up.

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