In Red Hook, we got a cab to the Marriott. The driver was pissed off at the prospect of having to take 2 people there. We were thusly overcharged.
My review of the hotel can be found at TripAdvisor. We did not like the hotel. But…it was free so I should limit my bitching.
My long winded report is here.
We arrived at Frenchman’s reef and went to check in. We were early but were hoping to find a place change into bathing suits and stow our bags.
We were at the wrong fucking hotel! We had to go to the Morningstar. We were told to go wait for a shuttle bus. We got on the bus and went down the road a little bit to the Morningstar. I was now exhausted, hot, pissed off, and sick to my stomach.
We found the check in desk. It was one of those little cutsie wootsie tables where you’re invited to sit and chat as you check in.
I hate those things.
We were told our room would not be ready until 3:00 (It was 1:00). We were told we could change in the bathrooms right in the lobby or at the fitness center on the 2nd floor (pointing off in the distance to a building I could not see). Opting for the enemy we could see, we opened up suitcases…right in the lobby area…and rummaged for suits and non-sweaty shirts. The Clampetts had arrived!
We changed, handed off the bags and went in search of a pool.
I’ll admit that the resort was cute. The beach was narrow, but clean, and the buildings housing the rooms were all 3 stories tall and clustered right off the beach. It reminded us of the Bachata. We followed the beach to a restaurant. Beyond it, we could see the pool.
But, we had no towels. So, we trudged to the towel hut to claim our allowance. Back to the pool we went. We had a swim and immediately cooled off. I can’t tell you all how happy we were to be in a pool and not sweating on St John or in the airport. After a while, we decided we’d need lunch.
We went back to the beach-side bar/restaurant. There didn’t seem to be a hostess or anyone to seat you, so we grabbed a table. We waited a while. It seemed that one harried woman was working the whole room. Finally, I got up and went to the bar to get beer and see if we could order. I could get beer, but I could not order food. Better than nothing.
The waitress came to our tables with menus and apologies. I’d scanned a menu at the bar and immediately ordered for us. I didn’t know how long it would take to get her to come back. We sipped our beer and tried to calm down. Lunch came; a Cuban sandwich and a Mahi sandwich. Both were good…but way overpriced. The waitress came back to apologize again and comped us 2 more beers. That was nice.
The bartender came over and told us our room number (I’d signed for the beer with just my name). Figuring the room was ready, we went to the lobby.
We had a room! We found it and were surprised. The room was quite large and nicely decorated. Most importantly, it had a huge bed. It also had a light out in the bathroom. Peeing in the dark is never good. I called to the desk to have it repaired. Our luggage arrived and we promptly went to sleep.
We were woken up about 45 minutes later. The light bulb guy was here. He fixed it and we went back to sleep. An hour later, we woke up.
We shook the sleep from our heard and decided to go back outside for a swim. We’d heard that the Frenchman’s Reef had a larger pool and a swim up bar. Out we went. We walked past the restaurant and along the tennis courts. We got to a bunch of steps and looked up at the FR, looming above us. Our options were stairs or a wooden walkway leading to a waterfall and scenic elevator. Elevator you say? Let’s go!
We walked to the waterfall. I determined that this was not natural; In fact, it seemed to be runoff from the hotel’s desalinization plant. We walked to the elevator and got in it.
It was a glass elevator and had a view of the water. Naturally, I dropped my pants and rocked out with my cock out for the Caribbean Sea to see. JewelrySlut lifted her shirt and lowered her bikini top. I mean…why not? It’s not like we had sex in the pool or anything.
There were people at the bottom waiting for the elevator…looking up at us.
We got off the elevator and were confused. There was less than ample signage. We walked towards the light and found the pool. The bar, naturally, was closed (I suspect the St John health inspector had been by). We had a swim, but noticed that the pool was dirty. The wind was kicking up and we were chilly. We dried off and tried to figure out the hotel. We were confused. There seemed to be a lot of signs that pointed you towards dead ends and not a lot of “stuff”. We really were getting a strange vibe from the place. We didn’t like it.
Finding little that interested us, we decided to go back to our side of the resort and get showered and changed. Somehow, we found the steps back to the Morningstar (dubbed the Thousand Steps to Nowhere by JewelrySlut) and tromped back to the room.
After showering and finding clean clothes, we set out for dinner. We weren’t very hungry. We wanted something light, maybe 2 appetizers, and some white wine. Nothing much. We went back to the beachfront place. We walked into Caribbean Night! Wow! They had a very loud band playing very poorly and a buffet set up.
We found a sweaty man in a Marriott shirt and asked if they were serving from the menu also. We were told that they were not and that the FR had some restaurants open. Back up the Thousand Steps we went. We were looking for the 4th floor. One would think that would be easy, but seeing as the floors were not numbered, it was not. Finally, we found a very industrial/site-services looking hallway. At the end of it, we found tables and a menu tacked to a wall. People were eating. The menu offered such gustatory treats as mozzarella sticks, potato skins and the ever-present, over-priced “Marriott Burger”.
We saw another restaurant right next-door that seemed to be outside. It was closed.
We tromped inside towards the front desk. We were told that our options were the Laundry room or the Caribbean Buffett.
What? This is supposed to be a 5-star resort and my options were potato skins or a buffet? We figured that it was off-season and they want you to go to town to eat. I didn’t want to. JewelrySlut had seen a little store/market around some blind curve, so we went there. They had sandwiches and salads. I saw bottles of white wine, but they were not labeled with price tags. Visions of $35 Kendall Jackson flooded my head. That would not work.
Wait…what do I see? Lime Perrier? I can work with that. Do I also see little hip flask-sized bottles of rum? We have an in-room ice maker, don’t we? JewelrySlut read my mind and we picked up 2 Perriers and one bottle of rum.
We opted to take the shuttle back to the Morningstar. We got to our room and ate our feast; a soggy sandwich and a tomato and mozzarella salad. I sat on the couch and JewelrySlut sat on the floor.
First Class Baby!